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The Fountain Pen of Youth

Submitted by gregwa8 on Wed, 2019-04-24 02:25

we don’t stay young
for long

unless words

flicker the flame
of innocence
purity
and wonder

like a stirring story
of a baby with blocks

making his own first
garbled
ecstatic
poem

with the alphabet
tracing letters
that will one day

give news
of war
yes

but a million
rebirths
too

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2019-04-24 12:10

Geezer's picture
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delete the "We don't stay young for long". It only muddies the rest of the work. I keep thinking about what that line in particular means. I can relate to the title where it seems to point out that the garbled words will someday spell out news of war and rebirth. The pattern and rhythm are alright and I like the premise of the story. ~ Geezer.
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scribbler

Thu, 2019-04-25 19:46

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The first line sets up the search for lost youth via imagination and the recapture via poetry

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