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First Kiss

Submitted by Rebeltease on Thu, 2023-09-14 23:42

Walking with my hips swaying
Towards you then
touching your chest to feel
the beat of your heart
inhaling your scent as I lean
into you, can’t be apart
gently pressed up against
your body, not too fast
needing to make each
and every second last
with profound passion
that is unhesitating
submissive or teasing
you got me debating
with sensual tenderness
our lips then meet
my body melts into yours
as if admitting defeat
fingertips stroke your neck,
and caress your chest
slowly nibbling your bottom lip,
as your scent I ingest
letting go then back to lick
and nibble slowly again
your arms embrace me
closer you pull me in
fingers tease the nape
of your neck to play
within your arms
always want to stay
slowly breathing in each
breath you exhale
my love and tenderness
you seem to compel
feels like thunder and
lightening insane
to the warmth relief
of welcomed rain
a calming tranquility of
a submissive kiss
devoted, compassionate ,
loyal, a playful twist
craving a deep connection
between us two
there’s nothing on earth I
wouldn’t do for you be

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2023-09-15 05:43

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "First Kiss" effectively uses vivid imagery and sensory details to convey the intense emotional and physical experience of a first kiss. The pacing of the poem, with its short lines and frequent line breaks, mirrors the slow, deliberate actions described in the poem, creating a sense of anticipation and heightening the emotional impact.

However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of meter and rhyme. There are instances where the rhythm is disrupted due to the inconsistent syllable count in each line. This can be distracting for the reader and detract from the overall flow of the poem.

Additionally, the poem could be improved by providing more context or background information. While the detailed description of the kiss is engaging, the reader may be left wondering about the relationship between the two characters and the significance of this moment to them.

Lastly, the poem uses a variety of adjectives to describe the kiss (profound, unhesitating, sensual, submissive, etc.). While these words add depth to the description, they could be used more sparingly or replaced with more concrete details to avoid redundancy and to show rather than tell the reader about the experience.

In conclusion, the poem effectively conveys the intensity of a first kiss through vivid imagery and sensory details, but could be improved by maintaining a consistent meter, providing more context, and using adjectives more sparingly.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rebeltease

Sat, 2023-09-16 10:24

Rebeltease's picture

I appreciate the constructive criticism of my work and I will work on what you said,.. but in defense of the poem I couldn’t give more background into the two characters because it wasn’t about then it was about the anticipation of everyone’s first kiss..it was written only to describe what it’s like in general! Appreciate your British! ☺️

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