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( First attempt at trochee ) - Bottom line work shop

Frightened mice sit waiting. Dogs sit skulking.
River fish swim, knowing tigers eat flesh.
Leopards keep on running, feeling horny.
Wild horses gallop, splashing water.

Fright..end / mice sit / wait..ing. / Dogs sit / skulk..ing.
Riv..er / fish swim / know..ing / tig..ers / eat flesh.
Leo..pards / keep on / run..ing / feel..ing / horn..y
wil..d / hor..ses / gal..lop / splash..ing / wat..er.

Second Attempt

Frightened mice sit waiting. Dogs sit skulking.
Salmon swim fast, knowing tigers eat them.
Leopards keep on running feeling horny.
Happy horses gallop, splashing water.

Fright-ened | mice sit | wa-iting. | Dogs sit | skulk-ing.
Sal..mon / swim fast / know..ing / ti..gers / eat them.
Le-opards | keep on | ru-nning | feel-ing | ho-rny.
Ha..ppy / hor..ses | ga-llop |, spla-shing | wa-ter.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Here goes!
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

First line
Fright-ened |mice sit| wa-iting. |Dogs sit |skulk-ing|. (Excellent)
Second line
Riv-er| fish swim|, know-ing| ti-gers| eat flesh. (I find it hard not to stress 'flesh)
Third line
 L e-opards| keep on| ru-nning|feel-ing| ho-rny.( Bravo)
Fourth line
 Wild horse| ga-llop|, spla-shing| wa-ter|. I changed horses...horse (one feet is needed)

But you are almost there dear Mandy. A few modifications would give you a perfect trochaic quatrain.  

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Much appreciated.. Will work on it.

author comment

Have a couple of questions - if I may.

is the word "wild" one or two syllables?

is the word "eat" correct - in line with the Dum dee Dum pattern ( if that makes sense ) or should it not be stressed?

Not sure why I have to change horses?

Thanks Rula - for all your time and hard work.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

"Wild" is one syllable ....one vowel sound

"eat" is stressed but I wanted the word "flesh" ..I thought both are stressed

"Horses"...make two syllables HORS-es so it will mess the other feet.

Hope this makes sense

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

O.k I see - I though wild was two syllables - I think that's why I went wrong.

Thanks for the clarification - I'm working on it!

author comment

Rula's scansion is correct. You are very close. A couple of things. You spelled "Trochee" incorrectly.

More importantly, when you're looking for the correct pronunciation of a word (the right number of syllables) say them to yourself as naturally as possible. Poets have a tendency to speak English just like everyone else... until they begin to read poetry. Then suddenly they start "over pronunciating" words.

E.g. "Wi-ald".

When your read your poem to check it for appropriate meter try to read it quickly. Just plow through it as though you were carrying on a quick conversation. It's not the best way to actually "read" a poem, but it will demonstrate to you any problems you may have with the meter. So don't "savor" it. Read it like prose to force the incorrect meter to rear its head.

Next, look into using the advanced formatting below the comment box. It will let you use things like bold, italics and the like. To make a word print bold, hold down controll and press "b". Same with italics. This will help you to emphasis individual words.

Stick with it. Meter is everything... it is "The Bottom Line" in poetry.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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is one syllabic word. I think the pronouncition of two syllables is optional, is it sir?
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wild

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

but I think "wild" is one syllable.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Thanks Wesley! I have corrected the spelling mistake - and have looked ( quickly ) at the advanced formatting. I will put your suggestions into operation - Thank you both for your help. Is the second attempt any better? ( though I haven't as yet emboldened the words ) or does it need improving?

Mand

author comment

That is the only line I don't like. This is one of those rules that have so many exceptions it is hard to call it a "rule", but... a verb modifying a noun directly before it will almost always demand to be accented. The verb (swim) is the action in the sentence and begs to be louder than the noun (fish). As I said, you will find exceptions everywhere, but being aware of the possibility can save you some grief.
Otherwise, the quatrain works.
I hope you will give Dactyl a go. It really is easier than you think once you've made it over the initial hump of "hearing" it.

Here is my initial conversation concerning Dactyl and Anapest that I fished out of all that chaos just for you.
Seriously... just for you.

"Dactyl and Anapest are different in a number of ways. First, they are called “treble” (or triple) meters as they both use three syllables per foot.

However, the greatest difference from Trochee and Iamb is that in the English language it is “almost” impossible to write an entire poem in one of these meters. The term commonly used is “runaway meter”. Meaning that a poem written entirely in Dactyl or Anapest tends to “roar” through itself and sound rushed, insincere and unnatural.

This does not mean it cannot be done, but in most cases of traditional poetry these meters are used in conjunction with Trochee (Dactyl) and Iamb (Anapest).

I would still like to see quatrains written exclusively in these meters as an exercise in understanding them knowing that after the workshop few poets will use them alone.

Dactyl (Gr. “finger”) is a foot of three syllables: one accented syllable followed by two unaccented syllables.

“This is the / fo-rest pri- / me-val. The / mur-muring / pines and the / hem-locks.” (Longfellow, Evangeline) This verse is catalectic hexameter.

Anapest (Gr. “beaten back”) is the natural opposite: two unaccented syllables followed by an accented syllable.

“From his saw / pit of mouth, / from his char- / nel of maw.” (Melville, The Maldive Shark) This verse is tetrameter.

When we write the quatrains I will not insist on pentameter. A minimum of trimeter or tetrameter will suffice."

Please let this encourage you to give it a go. I will be around to help.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Much better still. Please, move on to Dactyl and know that a combination of Dactyl and Trochee is very acceptable poetically. For the workshop though, try to produce a quatrain of strict Dactyl. I want you to understand the meter before going on and mixing it with Trochee before you have it figured out will confuse the best of us as both meters begin with an accented syllable.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Yes, it bugged me that it wasn't right. Lol I've moved on to Dactyl I'm enjoying learning and appreciate your expertise. Thank you for your help.

Love Mand xxx

author comment

This is one of the few truly satisfying things I do... outside of writing my epic... and this is lots easier.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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