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Fictions

From feckless fictions of the mind
World’s martial nations still depart:
Therein the falsehood of Mankind.

Feigning bloodshed’s cruelly kind,
Chastened with tears and severed hearts,
From reckless fictions of the mind.

Claiming glory, beauty-blind,
Forever fair the poisoned darts,
Therein the falsehood of Mankind.

Yesteryear, in distress aligned,
Crusaders tracked celestial charts,
From reckless fictions of the mind.

Gracious, thus far in truth unkind,
So starkly wise he’ll not restart,
Therein the falsehood of Mankind.

Embellished knave, heroic, blind,
Warring his sly Thespian arts;
From reckless fictions of the mind:
Therein the falsehood of Mankind.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
This poem was an assignment for a poetry class ages ago. The old English is intentional. Please, can the experts correct all that is wrong? Thanks you.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

that you finally got your work to post, don't know what happend, but evidently things worked out. Okay, I am definitely not an expert. I think there are a couple of people that may be able to help you though. Maybe jerry or Alan can help you. I liked it very much and would certainly say that it is still relevent. ~ Geez.
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Yes, I finally managed to post it, Geez. Sometimes there's a glitch, probably in my own mind. Thanks for visiting and commenting. I also think it relevant, so I fished it from my archives. Best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

those old-English words aren't at all so old-English. Knave and all the other archaic words you mentioned are still in use. "Thespian," derived from the name of the originator of the dramatic actor's role. Am I overlooking something that requires further clarification? Your poem is rather impressive, but it is a typical classroom poem that meets the requirement. It doesn't touch me. You have written much more eloquent poetry lately. Jerry

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Thank you, Jerry. I'm glad it meets the requirements. Yes, I know about Thespis and ancient theatre arts. Women were not allowed to view some rude comedies, such as those of Aristophanes and Menander, especially The Birds or The Grouch, to name a few.
I'm not surprised it doesn't touch you in any way, I'm just happy to have composed it at all! I asked for the raw truth, so it's all good. Best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

I never said that yours is a bad write, only that, when I read it last night, it failed to resonate within me--probably because the 115 degrees F at 7:00 PM had scrambled my brains. Had I waited to read your poem, then my critique would have done your work more justice. As is, I will take a break from writing poetry and take this opportunity to wish you my very best, and happy writing. Yours, Jerry

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intricate and thought provoking

Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe

Hi lynn, yes, Villanelles are intricate, difficult to compose. I actually did this when I was a teennager in high school!
Got Jerry's approval, but it doesn't touch him. I'm glad you find it thought provoking. All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

I see a distinct pattern in rhyme not only in the stanzas singularly but also in the stanzas ...would be interesting to know what form this is...ofcourse i would not be able to comment being an amateur but will look forward to know / learn more..

regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Hi raj, thanks so much for visiting and commenting. The form is a Villanelle, it started in Italy, I believe, Italian is one of the "romance" languages. It then spread to France and finally became universal.
One composes three strophes with some repetitions, as you'll notice, then the last strophe contains three verses from the first strophes, plus one new verse. Hope that's clear!
I wrote it with oldish English words, tho' Jerry says they're up to date. Whatever, I composed it as a teennager in high school because it was an assignment. I fished it out of forgotten archives. My PC is full of stuff I've forgotten!
All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

Truly appreciate your explaining in detail the structure/form of Villanelle...I might be tempted to write one....

good learning for me...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Hi again, raj. I'm so glad you're interested in this form as well as others. Do try your pen at it, I'm sure you'll compose a beautiful Villanelle. You could also begin with a Cinquain, which is easier. You can google it; if I have time, I'll post a couple tomorrow. Maybe I already did.
All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

I just want to offer my rather inadequate apologies regarding my recent critique of your villanelle. At the time I wrote that unfortunate review, my doctor had placed me on a medication that had caused some side effects, including impairment of judgment, which made me see your poem in an unreal light. I hope this brief, however sincere apology will suffice? Take care of yourself. Jerry

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Dear Jerry, I was not in the least offended. Fact is, I think you're right. It was a task and I wrote about the topic assigned us.
I now think it's adequate for the present situation, well, past, present and future. I don't believe humankind will ever change. Only superficially, sad to say.
All the best, hope you're well now, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

I was wrong. Allow me to bear my 15 lashes and I shall feel redeemed, lol. My very best to you, Gracy. Jerry

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OK, I'll enjoy giving you 15+ virtual lashes. Bare your back, Sir Jerry. There they go, are you feeling redeemed?
Best put some medical balm on the wounds, get well soon, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

I'm not THAT MUCH of a glutton for punishment. Please, no more. . .I've learned my lessson--pleease! Have a good night, Gracy. Oooo, ouch, stop . . . . Jerry

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Haha!! Nice game, Sir. Glad you're a good boy now. Sleep well and untroubled by guilt. Best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment

reading your poem strongly reminds me how history repeats itself. lately I am disappointed in "mankind" thank you for this.

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Hello Cat, I'm afraid I agree with you. My late husband wrote an essay on "non change and the principle of recalcitrance". It won a prize from Espasa Calpe, the Spanish publishers. I helped him translate it into English, still working on it, it's quite a task.
Thanks for stopping by, keep safe, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

author comment
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