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I could have your evidence bag sent over to the precinct,
Or Rather call a battalion to come have you on a platter.
But That will be too easy,
I will torture you with my stare
Penetrate your walls with my words.
Suck up every bit of ur juice,
And let you die in pleasure.
I should tear you all up,
Undergo ur autopsy alive.
Excavate every broken piece,
Sing to you while you're in pain,
And listen to your heart beat grow faint.
I will be standing in the gate of heaven.
Waving you, who is aheaded to hell.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


is good and the beginning and end were great. I like the way that the whole thing hung together. Nice job! ~ Geezer.

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no problem geezer, Thanks.

author comment

Gosh that's a scouring bitterness seeping through the word choices! Good use of opposites...Heaven/ hell...pain/pleasure.

However, please for the love of god use the word 'your' instead of text-lexis 'ur''s just lazy.

Otherwise a neat visual image.

about the 'ur' and 'your' it's noted. thanks a lot

author comment
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