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DRIVER

Headlights on the highway
grit in tired eyes
on the road since Friday
way more lows than high
keeping it between the lines

Trading miles for money
exchanging life for time
endless days are never sunny
as I wipe off the grime
keeping it between the lines

Mirrors reflecting glaring light
while ol' Hank and Waylon play
alone another four lane night
tailgaters just won't go away
keeping it between the lines

I guess they'll find me one fine day
slumped on the steering wheel
beside some nameless lone highway
entombed in Detroit steel
having lived between the lines

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
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Comments

I guess I am missing something about long distance driving, why follow the centre line when you could drive on the right side of the road and avoid a head-on?

On the other hand this is bloody well written, your craft is improving immensely. I could pick out a few meter things, but won't bother, it is a powerful poem.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Hmmm....... I was going to justify my use of that line then paused and thought (I know, a rarity for me lol). The only time I've Ever followed that line was years ago when it was night and so foggy that the only way to See the center line was to straddle it on a lonely mountain road. So I'm gonna change that line.

I'm pleased to know I'm getting incrementally better. Guess an old dog Can learn now tricks...................stan

author comment

Good write here just wondering if you could use "aside the lines" instead of keeping it between the lines, except for the last stanza where you met that other bit of Detroit steel, LOL A double Road kill, don't tell Gee or Killer will be there making soup.
Take care young Stan,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I've known a few long haul truckers who often parted ways by saying "keep it between the lines". In U.S. most roads have a center line and a line at the pavement edge on both sides, hence this was a way of saying keep safe............stan

author comment

You can thank Jess for leading me to change the last line in each stanza. Now I gotta get to HS and change them there also lol. Thanks for dropping by.............stan

author comment

Absolutely nothing to say except well done, this is really really good. I love that last line.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

Thank you. I seldom use repeated lines and am pleased that it worked well this time. I changed on the last line specifically to add impact . Thanks for the time to read and comment...............stan

author comment

Didn't the last stanza imply Impact ??? LOL
Two Detroit Dustbins having a fight.???
La La, Sparrow

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

on the highway
when you were driving ...
I would have been caught for
abettment

anyway nice one as usual Stan

loved

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