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Doors (February contest)

 

When you were just a little child
you left your door part open
so I could always watch you
if ever you were frightened
I could quickly cross the threshold
be right there
and you would be consoled

the doorway to heaven
is not mine to pass through
for now
but, with love and determination
you left it ajar
so I could still see
when I have fear
where you are

.

 

 

 

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

the mother-son bond of compassion brought out so delicately yet stregthened by the thread of love...

just a suggestion..though I don't know if you find it would improve the cadence..

[to]be right there
[so] you would be consoled

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

thank you for the great comment.
I actually had what you have suggested, but changed it - i think it reads better this way

thanks for the thought
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Ok. got what you meant...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Good write there, I am not sure how to divide an arrow head, so I shall let you have the Prize,
Yours Ian. xx

.
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Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

thank you, very generous of you
but I somehow think the judge will have the last say

thanks for the obvious compliment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

This bought tears to my eyes - raw and emotional. Sad and yet full of hope and comfort. :)

Love Mand xxxxx

for the fine comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I agree with Mand. This is really touching.
Great one dear.
Keep it up!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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for the very kind comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

my teacher Judy
has already won*
she is the best
even heaven upon her shoulders does rest
what of a door you speak
where are the rest
the doors of humanity
open wide have been rendered bereft
by Judys love and heavenly caress
* ALL HAVE ALREADY ENDORSED HER AS THE BEST
Judge who?
judge do you still want to????

I think you're biased
there are some beautiful poems entered into this contest - and if you clean yours up of the waffle, it will have just as much a chance to win as any of us
after all, we don't know who the judge is, and what he or she may be looking for

thank you for the very lovedly compliment though
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I want to see it set in a ballade with a double refrain and a volta leading to an original thought, BUT
everyone is right. It is a lovely testament. Even if it is free verse... or maybe because of it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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even free verse off me
thanks Snow Man
I will mine scan

Thanks Wes
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I'm standing at your door
hoping honestly I am
your Valentine for sure!

Are you having a back ache? I worry because I see you ("I" in the penultimate verse) bent

Take care and straighten it up,

raj (sublime_ocean)

my back may be bent.... but this bent 'I' is for the emphasis on MY being afraid in this stanza, rather than how it was my son afraid in the first stanza...
but lol - i bet you already knew that and you're just teasing me cos I'm old
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

forgive me please, i really thought the forward slash was through error....i didn't perceive the meaning as you explained it....

old? who?

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Knowing exactly where this stems from makes it even more powerful.

Thanks
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

when will u be awarded do say

But as I said, we don't know what the judge is looking for
And also all the other poems are really good, including yours you know
It's just been great fun really.... and it's been good to see everyone enthusiastic and entering, and also interesting to see all the different doors people have written about
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Jingle bell, jingle bells sounding on the contest door
all are in wait for Mr. Stan to take to the floor
the prize would be won with the contest done
when the door of all doors would be won

hahaha...

raj (sublime_ocean)

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