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Deleted: Narrative Shop: A Day In The Life Of... (edited) see added note!

*added note below:

PLEASE don't respond to this one but instead comment on: Narrative Shop entry #2 A Day In The Life Of... A pussycat

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
please read and comment on : Narrative Shop entry #2 A Day In The Life Of... A pussycat
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

It shows that one can make a poem of just about anything! I like the line about quick expletives, but think that maybe [short]
or [four-letter] expletives might give a better feel. The third line, third stanza might be a little smoother if: [Though not in its' path, I screamed just the same] ? Nice stuff! ~ Gee.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

I've made the changes!

*hugs, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Interesting Topic!

As I am not accustomed to giving critique I really don't know how or what to say, except that, while I enjoyed reading your poem I would have enjoyed it more if it were longer.

Sharonlee Imageweaver

criticism! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

I hardly think a comment on length is criticism.

I'm sorry for the shortness of this piece. but I really couldn't think of anymore...if I had gone on, it would have felt forced. and I had trouble with the style as I ventured into a realm unfamiliar to my experience. thank you both for your critique, it is appreciated.

*hugs, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

did you think you had to use this particular style? I don't recall requiring any particular style. If you think this style inhibited you Please feel free to edit this up to a total rewrite if you so please

of a rewrite. I'm having a very bad day. my 17 & 1/2 year old cat Bennington is suffering from the later stages of kidney failure. on Monday Steve will take him into the vet to put to rest his struggle. he is laying on his fuzzy blanket, on my legs. I think he may be of more comfort to me than I am to him. I will keep up on the assignments as it keeps my mind busy.

*hugs, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

own us as much as we own them. The rewrite was held out as an idea not a requirement. Hope your cat passes peacefully

thank you for your kind and gentle condolences. we will do our best to see to his peace and comfort. we have been "his" since we brought him home as a six week old kitten :)

*hugs, Cat

-

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

A poem that flirts with the boundaries between lyric and narrative, I am not sure you have a beginning middle and end as in a story but you have an interesting set of reactions to a tornado.
I think if you are doing a revision it would be good to up the imagery a little show the tornado rather than tell.
Show what the day was like you have an interesting story just needs a little more spice. Sam

I gave this one up and wrote another: "A Day In The Life Of....A pussycat (entry #2 for Narrative Shop) I would love your thoughts on that.

*hugs, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
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