Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Dave's Not Here...

Killer needed a new tool
So He went to Dave’s Not Here
A thing for slow and tortuous death
A thing instilling primal fear

There was a special date real soon
He wanted something to impress
She is a special lady friend
Can’t wait to see her in a dress!

Now Dave is up for some inventing
But let’s have coffee and a joint
I’d like to wake and bake a little
before we get down to the point

Ahhhh... Now let me get this straight
You want something lethal too?
I got me some ideas
Let me show them all to you

Late into the night they worked
Making things that pinched and squeezed
Smoking, laughing, munching goodies
They made one to break your knees

Killer chuckled; Oh so happy
A big grin upon his face
he watched Davey do his stuff
Not one plan did get erased

I knew it no mistake; said Killer
I had to come to Dave’s Not Here
His work is just superb
And he sure does like a beer!

In a row of nasty dreams
the toys are all arrayed
No, they ain’t been tested yet
Dave’s Not Here is too afraid

Killer thought about a minute
then he said; “I got it Dave!”
We’ll go out and do some hunting
do something real depraved!

Davey didn’t want to think
about the stuff that was to happen
He pictured open wounds
saw bones that would be snappin’

I must pass this opportunity,
I’m feeling somewhat faint
Smoked and drank too many beers
I’m not up to this. I ain’t...

Killer smiled and put his money down
That’s OK, my little friend
All the blood and too much gore
would probably get you in the end

I will use the tools in your name
I’ll prove the genius that you are
No, no, that’s alright now brother
You just go now... make it far

So with pincers, saws and hammers
springs winding around his neck
Killer hummed a lullaby
and went on his homeward trek

Dave’s not here for real now
he saw too much that night
When you look into his eyes
you see his awful fright!

But, Killer thinks of him so fondly
while he’s using his new tools
As he’s twisting someone’s body
or crushing the family-jewels

Killer might come back now, Davey
for a thing or two, you hear?
If he comes back again, Sir Gee
Say; Dave is just Not Here!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
How Dave's Not Here, got his name is a story that might get told in a poem eventually, so I will leave that for another time. ~ Gee
Editing stage: 

Comments

Is anxious to meet Killer....Saturday cant come soon enough...its ashame others dont see her value but I bet Killer will

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

as great in person as she is on paper! Can't wait! ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

makes her smile. She is gearing up for their big date!!!!

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Nice to see ya. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.