Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
daphne
Daphne, angel
would you tell us why you turned on the lights?
its half past eight and you should be in bed
well mamma,
i’ve got no face
i tried to see in the mirror
but there was no face at all
no face?
Daphne, darling
perhaps it was just too dark
would it help to keep the door open,
just a crack?
quite frankly she said:
im not fond of that either
theres still no face, you see
even with the lights right on me
I see the eyes
the nose
the mouth
the hair
the ears
but they don’t all go together
like any face should
would you like it if I stayed with you tonight?
mamma,
I swear to you
I've got no face
Daphne angel,
that's just fine with me
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words:
unsure about this one cause ive never written like this before, don't know where it came from just kinda happened. let me know what u think !
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
RoseBlack
Fri, 2022-11-18 08:11
Wow
This was cryptically impressive. My thoughts immediately went to a person who has lost their child and is now seeing them in their spirit form. Perhaps an accident took the child and injured their face...in any event...this gave me chills! Well done.
~RoseBlack~
leoferaco
Sun, 2022-11-20 01:35
daphne
Always appreciated RoseBlack, your interpretations really make me see the depth my poems can have for people. Thank you!
Leo
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2022-11-18 10:47
This one...
kind of reminds me of a dream I had once. I dreamt that everyone that had died, [friends and family], I couldn't remember their faces. all of them had blank faces and were upset that I couldn't remember them. A child's sense of identity could be the case here. A strange and curious poem. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
leoferaco
Sun, 2022-11-20 01:34
daphne
I'm sorry to hear about that dream! I do love the concept though which is why I went with it for the poem, its very haunting. Thanks for the feedback Geezer,
Leo
author commentLavender
Fri, 2022-11-18 20:34
daphne
Hi, Leo,
I love all of this. I know we tend to state that we "love" this or that about a poem, but this piece truly draws a feeling of appreciation for remarkable poetry. The language, the style, the dialogue back and forth. I am learning to not second guess your work, but will wait to read your responses. It does give me chills, though, especially using the name as the title.
L
leoferaco
Sun, 2022-11-20 01:33
daphne
Hi Lavender, I really appreciate your feedback especially on a poem I was so unsure about to begin with. Sometimes I just get a push to write something and it comes out naturally, not necessarily drawing from any place, though sometimes (as with this poem) I will be writing while listening to music and get inspiration from the music itself and often have little references to it. I'm not exactly sure, but I know I saw a song or something called "no face" and used that to keep writing. thanks again,
Leo
author comment