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Common Criminal
The walls in this room close in on me.
And I reach for the sky, but I cannot see.
I was crying for no reason.
Of some inner complication.
Don’t close your eyes so soon!
Give me some interpretation of how you feel,
for I haven’t got a clue.
Bring me back around and show me what’s real.
Are you chasing dreams of gold?
Searching for questions you’ve already sold.
I’ve got to give you my interpretation
We’re searching for a solid confrontation.
A starlit night on ecstasy.
A moonlit night of acidity.
A diamond mind of complexity.
For some reason, all eyes stare at me.
My blood runs red, my veins run blue.
My blood runs red, just like you.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-06-28 13:32
dear Jordyn,
this is superb...
I am drawn in with the fist few words. i remember feeling like this, oh how I remember! now time tunnel has turned into a dead end... no longer an entrance for a magic carpet ride! I am too old... I now live vicariously through poet's words...
A starlit night on ecstasy.
A moonlit night of acidity.
A diamond mind of complexity.
For some reason, all eyes stare at me.
My blood runs red, my veins run blue.
My blood runs red, just like you.
i love these lines becaue they ground me.. Cat
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Jordyn Alyssa
Tue, 2022-06-28 15:40
Thanks
Those are actually some of my favorite lines in this piece. Not only because I feel that they sound nice with each other, but also because I feel like a lot of people can relate to them.
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Tue, 2022-06-28 15:05
Fire
Again you impress the hell out of me. I love everything about it. The title is elusive. I like it, I get the connection but can’t help thinking there’s something better. I can’t for the life of me think what would be better though so I’m useless. I’m not great with titles. They either jump right at me or I struggle hopelessly. I think you’re a very superb writer, I was at work waiting to get off so I could come home and check the stream to see what you posted.
Jordyn Alyssa
Tue, 2022-06-28 15:37
Relatable
I can completely relate to you with the titles thing. 9/10 times I usually can't even come up with a title. I didn't know if this title was fitting, but then again, you don't know if you don't try.
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