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A CHILDREN'S POEM

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

Where did you come from, why was I the one?
How did you escape from the barrel of the gun?
I’m just a child , just trying to grow,
Trying to learn the things I should know,
Playing in my yard having a little fun,
Why are you here, where did you come from?
Why did you hit me, puncture my lungs?
Hit me straight in my heart, where did you come from?
Was I laughing to much or giggling to loud?
Was it because I was alone and not engaged with a crowd?
Why did you hit me and then take me away?
Why did you hurt my family, why wasn't I allowed to stay?
I’m only a child what have I done for you to hate me so much,
Take away my laughter and take away my fun?
I know I'm small and you're even smaller, the hand that sent you my way is bigger and taller.
(reply)
I didn't come to hurt you it wasn't my call, when I'm aimed I have no way of knowing where I'm going or where I'll fall.
I’m always blamed for taking innocent lives, but if the one pulling the trigger would only think twice.
You would still be playing, laughing and having fun, If I wasn't shot from the barrel of the gun...

Esilence

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Welcome!

Like the commentary you write, the Q’s you raise, and your innuendo.

Looking forward to reading more of your work!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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thank you for commenting, I've been writing for many years but always hesitant to post. Look forward to comments of all kind to see where corrections are needed.

author comment

you finally writing! I'm not sure of how much you needed to find courage to post your first poem here, but I see that you have been a member here for quite awhile and this is your first post. I like your theme and can sympathize with the pain that shows through. Many children are killed each year by firearms that have been left unsecured. I know, there are always those parents that say; "My children have been taught that guns are not toys and should never be played with!" However, children are more prone to 'peer pressure' and often succumb to it. They are also children and so have children's immature thoughts of how to deal with anger. "I was just showing it to 'Tommy' or whoever. He grabbed it!" Okay, enough of that. First, you have shouted at everyone. Please do not use all caps! I too, like the way you have posed the questions and given the answers. There are a couple of small spelling errors, but easily fixed. Thank you for joining in the Challenges portion of the site. I look forward to seeing more from you. ~ Geezer.
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Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

thank you for your comment, I'm really open to all suggestions and have much room for correction.
thanks again

author comment

of too, as in [too much, and too loud, rather than [to] ~ Geez.
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Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

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