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Challenge-Wish upon a star
Looking out of the dark night above the sky
I am witnessing the sparkling bright star
that has caught my eyes
The fondest memory has filled me
to the search for the curiosity of this universe
Who is to create this shooting star
Mother Nature or me?
With the sign, I often read
Can that be me
With the dream to come true
Or it is far beyond my wildest expectation
Determination has been instilled in me
To continue to carry on
Yes, someday
I can reach that star
and become like that brilliant one
hanging far beyond the galaxy space
to take on my destination
to fulfill my request
Never care to give up
To keep on moving despite
when the world stops turning
Only to make the best out of it
And to live life to the fullest
Without any regret
That shooting star will be mine
Someday I promise, indeed it will
Because I aim to be one
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-05-03 16:45
Neopoet AI (premium)
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Overall, this poem conveys a sense of determination and hopefulness towards achieving a dream. The imagery of the star and the universe adds a sense of wonder and awe, as well as a reminder of the vastness of the world beyond us. The use of rhetorical questions adds a layer of introspection, making the reader wonder about their own ability to achieve their goals.
One suggested line edit could be to change the line "Who is to create this shooting star" to "Who created this shooting star", as it flows better grammatically.
However, the poem could benefit from some more specific and concrete details to make the imagery more vivid and engaging. The use of cliched phrases like "live life to the fullest" and "make the best out of it" detract from the originality of the poem. Additionally, the rhyme scheme feels forced at times and could be improved by focusing less on rhyme and more on the natural flow of the language. Overall, the poem has potential but could use some refinement in terms of language and imagery.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-05-27 10:13
Well done
Your determination and positive outlook on reaching your dream is well conveyed in your poem. Good job!
~RoseBlack~