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Cat in the Dark

She is like a cat in the dark,
Her eyes twinkle and spark.
She slinks around,
Like a ghost in the town.
And lives amongst the alleys.

She avoids conflict until pursued,
Once angered she won't be subdued.
If you dare chase this kitty,
Man, you have my pitty.
She may seem shy,
but in her eyes.
I see a mysterious side,
life is a tough ride.
for this girl I can tell,
I can read her well.

So don't go chasing,
don't go wasting.
Your time and energy.
Her eyes how they shine,
in the night like a dime.
And her hair how it flows,
What she thinks,
nobody knows.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I'm excited to see what you all will say now, I took your advice and changed it up a bit. I appreciate your help everyone. Thank you, Mark, candle whitch and Eddie :)
Editing stage: 

Comments

Mark has covered it well, really nothing else to say, But I liked the simplicity of it. Well done!

"Welcome to "Neopoet" The most fun can be had here. keep writing, I will look for your writes around the site

Eddie
...

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I loved this poem about the mysterious lady who is cat-like. My only suggestion is to change the second line:
It now reads:

She is like a cat in the dark,
Her eyes have lost their spark
.
I would change the second line to read something like this:
{Her eyes shine and spark} or something to that effect, because it is contradictory to a cat;s eyes and to the rest of the poem.

Great imagery in this piece and the lines flow very well from one line to the next. My favorite lines are:

She avoids conflict until pursued,
Once angered she won't be subdued.
If you dare chase this kitty,
Man, you have my pitty.
She may seem shy,
but in her eyes.
I see a mysterious side,
life is a tough ride.
for this girl I can tell,
I can read her well.

I also like the title!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Good job!

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Thanks a million for helping everyone.

author comment

A lovely jumpy piece with lots of life in those allies and by ways, I have a very wide Zimmer Frame so wont be chasing her, I lie, but it sounds good.
Great write, Yours Ian.T
PS:- I notice our own lovely Cat went very quiet on this one lol.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you. I wrote this at like 4:30 in the morning in about a ten minute time frame.
I'm not sure what you mean by my cat went quiet???
I enjoyed writing this one. The cat like woman is modeled after me.
I thank you for reading and liking my write.

Can;t wait to hear back from you.

Nichole

author comment

Our own dear Cat I was referring too. lol
We have two mini Dachunds here so no room for anything else they would object strongly.
So glad you cleared up as to which cat you were talking about, meow.
Have a lovely day, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

The catwoman lives lol. Why don't you try leaving off she is in first line and putting a stanza break after "your time and energy" and see how you like it.............stan

Liked that line specially, wow what a picture and warning I am scared to go out now, but then I am a woman, so no need to worry perhaps!

OOO I see you say "modelled after me" you don't look like that to me, but looks can be misleading! No wonder you can "read her well."

Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Thank you very much :) Yes, the "Cat like Woman" is supposed to be me. Slinking around avoiding conflict.
I'm changing my life right now and walking away from the dramas of my past. I enjoyed writing this poem. Thank you for your kind words. Keep readin :)

author comment

I have nothing left to wrte. They said it all. Your work is adnirable !

Joe

Thank you Joe!!!
I appreciate your kind and gentle words. I really enjoyed this one.
How long have you been on neopoet?? I hope you enjoy it.
Thank you for reading, Keep it up. I'd like to see some of your work sometime.

nichole

author comment

I've been on NEO for about 3 years.I am happy to hear that you are enjoying it.

Joe

Nice to meet you. I'm Neopoet's Director of the moderators. Yes I enjoy neopoet a LOT. And I hope you are as well. Thank you for your time.

Nichole

author comment
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