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Burial Shroud

The sky leaves it's
tattered edges
along mountain tops

Mountain tops loom over
towering trees

Towering trees cast shadows
upon the broken land

The broken land cries out
to the night skies

The night skies cloak the earth
in a burial shroud

A burial shroud for the earth
that has died

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This poem was written in metaphor
Editing stage: 

Comments

I loved this one especially Stanza 1. The only thing I would say is it's a little short, would have liked more and in Stanza 5 I think it would be better not to repeat the word shroud, maybe you could say ' the night skies cloaked the earth in a burial shroud'.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Enough metaphors for three or four poems lol.........stan

the effective use of repetition leads the reader innocently to a grim and inescapable conclusion.

Really good writing.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

This is right up my alley! It has all the right things to express depression. I like the whole thing. Even the title gives me shivers!

always, eddy (& cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

A novel script with a novel perception a lovely step by step transition taking one from light into darkness...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I was thinking about our conversations when I read this extraordinary piece. On a re-read I still get shivers.

always, eddy (and Cat)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

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