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Birth of a Poem (Revamped)
I dwell in the abstract
web of silence
spinning my net
for a catch
pouncing on a germ
with my quill and tincture
charming it
with an insane desire
Donning it
a pair of silver wings
I free it
from my web of silence
letting it flock
with birds and bees
who don
the colors of my quill
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2011-01-23 15:18
birth
Reminded me of playing a fish with light tackle and having to use care lest it get away. well done.........scribbler
raj
Sun, 2011-01-23 15:28
thank you Stan for your
thank you Stan for your comment and example...
warmly..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentmona
Sun, 2011-01-23 22:47
Dear Raj
I'll toy it and tease it
every which way
before setting it free
from my web
To me I just write spontaneously, and then I push my poem to the web and close my eyes LOL
As child has broken something and waiting for the response.
I really enjoyed reading this poem,
Mona Rose
raj
Mon, 2011-01-24 13:54
Dearest Mona...
thank you for visiting my page and leaving a nice cooment...when one writes in one go ..as you say spontaneously...thats the best way ...perhaps because i am not a seasoned writer..which i am not..i am still an amateur and once i prey on an idea or a theme i ponder a lot before posting it and even thereafter i keep refining and polishing it to the best possible extent before setting it free...that was in essence the theme of the write about how the idea of a poem is conceived and then how a poem takes birth for me... for which i used the idea of a cobweb..where the cob is silently at work...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Mon, 2011-01-24 13:58
Dearest Shirl
good to know you liked it and could relate to it in the context of how a poem takes birth...i am not done with it though...and may tweak it up later...
much love....Hey! whats happening to your Prime Minister...he is in the news now for philandering..an Italian Lover Boy eh!! LOL..
much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Mon, 2011-01-24 14:20
Dearest Shirl...
oh thats so sad to know...i was hoping you would become the first Italian woman Prime Minister and I would spin a lot of money with lots n lots of stories for the media...some of your poems would sell like HOT Cakes...hehehe....
wow..how about that for a theme !! i will give it a go sometime....:)
much love and smiles...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Mon, 2011-01-24 15:09
Dearest Shirl
ofcourse i said it in sheer good humor..but never count yourself out just because you are an English woman...you may not know but Sonia Gandhi the daughter in law of Indira Gandhi ( the first lady PM of India) is an Italian...and she is now head of the ruling Congress Political Party in India...
so who knows? you could be the next Charming PM of Italy...:)
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Mon, 2011-01-24 15:20
Dearest Shirl..
yeah...as a PM you will make the Italians rock to your tunes and get caught with your infectious smile...:)
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentKailashana2
Mon, 2011-01-24 01:41
And you literally sent this
And you literally sent this out via web. ;-)
cool poem.
~A
raj
Mon, 2011-01-24 14:00
Dear Anna
thanks for your visit and comment..coming from you always feels very encouraging...yeah...i did byplay with the word "web"....:)
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Mon, 2011-01-24 14:18
when one tends to compose metaphorically i ask myself what for
when one tends to compose metaphorically i ask myself what for
is a meta what for.?
do u know about a metafor
and what's a metaphor 4?
pat comea reply to my mind,
silly may as u be
you are as sillier as bephor
u stilll don't know
what is a phor 4
still i try and read in between the lines
as mona rose does say
what shit
where the hell was it writ
ur ar as shilly as before.
if not much more
good raj ur as spontaneous
as instantaneous.
loved
loved
Mon, 2011-01-24 14:22
the darkness of old times returns on the screen of neopoets of
the darkness of old times returns on the screen of neopoets of
of lore
twas better recently
than twas before
have u noticed it ????
poets of neopoet
the new guy has to show
his presence
perhaps
i'm not sure
what is a metafor
phor
loved
raj
Mon, 2011-01-24 14:23
Dear Loved...
thanks for your elaborate comment and for appreciatingthe metaphors in this write..
much love..and smiles..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentloved
Mon, 2011-01-24 14:37
I CAN SEE THROUGH ur eyes
more LOVE than smiles
sorry the other way around
more smiles
yes that's what was in my mind.
loved
raj
Mon, 2011-01-24 14:55
Thank you Mona...
Thank you Mona...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Tue, 2011-01-25 13:49
Dearest Seren
thank you for revisiting this page...looks like you had some nice sunny times ..perhaps spending some time with your brother to cheer him up ...
as for this write...for a long time i had been subconsciously fiddling with the idea of writing something abstract about "Birth of a Poem"...i.e.from conception to birth...being a similar phenomenon....this write was an outcome of that....looking back i would now like to revamp it and would love to have your feed back on the revamped version..lets see how it works out...
much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Wed, 2011-01-26 05:02
Dearest JayCee..
thank you for your appreciative comment..means a lot coming from the likes of you....
have a splendid dinner...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentDennis Go
Tue, 2011-01-25 10:02
Set more of your works free
Set more of your works free on the web then. This piece is brilliant!
____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis
"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius
raj
Tue, 2011-01-25 13:52
Dear Dennis..
many thanks for your appreciative words and encouraging comment...as i just mentioned to Seren. i am planning to work on this write a bit more and come up with not just a minor edit but a revamp./..if you happen to visit again ..do let me have your earnest feed back...it helps me to evolve with each comment and critique...
warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentraj
Wed, 2011-01-26 04:36
Dearest Xena
thank you for your comment....you got to the very core of this write and expressed the essence of it so nicely in your comment...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentmand
Wed, 2011-01-26 05:13
Hi Raj
I read the first one and that was really good, but this one is stunning, the imagery - right from the start - was stunning. I have no favourite lines they are all awesome.
Well done Raj - one for history to savour I think.
Love Mand xxxxxx
raj
Wed, 2011-01-26 05:17
Hi Mand..
nice of you to find time amidst your grandma duties....thank you for your appreciative comment ...coming from accomplishes\d writers like you means a lot ...
yes...this write gave me a lot of creative saisfaction...
much love..
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentCandlewitch
Thu, 2011-01-27 11:47
Dear Raj,
Donning it
a pair of silver wings
I free it
from my web of silence
letting it flock
with birds and bees
who wear
the colors of my quill
these are my favorite lines of your poem. They are enchanting! I have no suggestions for the improvement of this piece, as I think it is marvelous and perfect as it is!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
raj
Thu, 2011-01-27 13:29
Dear Cat...
many thanks for taking your time to read this one and leave a comment which is very encouraging and satisfying especially when such comments come from the likes of you..JayCee..Dan..Stan..Ann..Anna...Lou...Chrys...Judyanne...and many of the accomplished writers here...surely such appreciative words are like tonic...
much love...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentHooded Stranger
Thu, 2011-01-27 14:19
Raj
Raj,
this one caught me in the 'web' after the first opening lines which are my favourite:
I dwell in the abstract
web of silence
that opener really painted a vivid image in my head.
Two magical stanza's...I was immersed in this piece. Read it through many times...it gets better with each read.
I have no suggestions to make this any better - I think you've got it all done.
Lovely read - thanks for sharing,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
raj
Thu, 2011-01-27 14:32
Dan
thank you for dropping by and leaving your appreciative comment...as i have said in response to Cat's comment...it means a lot when i get a pat on my back from accomplished writers on Neopoet..and the list includes my friend Dan too...
the idea of writing about the very conception of a poem had been lingering in my sub concious...it took birth in the form of this poem and gives me a lot of creative satisfaction..my pleasure always in sharing...
warmly...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment