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Beauty Remains Unseen
I could write a thousand words
to describe how beautiful you are to me.
How imperfect you are in my eyes
but fitted perfectly to my heart.
You are the pearl I would love to dive
into the deepest of the sea.
The brightest star in the midnight sky
I would but dare not to touch-
But bear to stare at it for the rest of my life.
And there goes the beauty,
...never have ever been in scenery.
Fades in the midst of ecstasy,
...wiped away from eternity.
Brought upon unto catastrophe,
...embeded by delusional fantasy.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
alidzain
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:19
Hi there!
"But bare to stare at it for the rest of my life."
Do you mean ''bear'' instead of ''bare"? Apart from that, I'll say this is a beautiful poem. Keep on writing.
Alid
Mariquita Garcia
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:23
HELLO
author commentMariquita Garcia
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:23
HELLO
author commentMariquita Garcia
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:23
HELLO
author commentMariquita Garcia
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:24
HELLO
author commentMariquita Garcia
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:24
HELLO
author commentMariquita Garcia
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:24
HELLO
author commentMariquita Garcia
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:30
Hello :)
Thank you for noticing it. :)
And I'm sorry for that much of hello. I'm kinda new here and my network connection is not in "good shape". :)
author commentalidzain
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:27
Hello to you too
Ku mustaka? I think that means "How are you", right?
Alid
Mariquita Garcia
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:31
:)
Yeah! ^_^ I'm fine. How'd you know that? And how are you too?
author commentalidzain
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:48
;)
mabutin. I like to learn bits and pieces of other languages.
For eg "hello" in japanese is "moshi moshi"
if I'm not mistaken "I love you" in your language is "mahalkita"
in korean its "saraengyo" and "wo ai ni" in mandarin.
Alid
alidzain
Wed, 2016-02-24 17:58
This piece inspires another poem
Behind the veil, lies her beauty,
well-guarded from prying eyes
and the lusts of evil men
that manipulates with honey-coated lies.
Alid
Mariquita Garcia
Thu, 2016-02-25 05:15
:)
HEARTY!
author commentSparrow
Wed, 2016-02-24 19:49
Mariquita
Loved your first piece here and may I say Welcome to our site and I hope that you will stay and walk with us..
This is a place to learn and if you scan the workshops you will find much to interest you in your quest to write, It is late here so will talk some more later,
Yours, Yenti--Ian.T and Sparrow
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Mariquita Garcia
Thu, 2016-02-25 05:11
:)
Thank You, Sir. And I surely will enjoy everything here.
author commentSparrow
Wed, 2016-03-16 04:34
Just a thought
On reading again, as with many languages, when speaking or writing in English, some of the words seem to become mixed or a little incorrect.
This line you have written:-
.
You are the pearl I would love to dive
into the deepest of the sea.
.
You are the pearl I would love to dive for
into the deepest of seas.
.
If you see that the first lines have become disjointed, which is a natural accent or translation.
Hope this helps when you read future writes.
Keep writing and lovely to see your second one here,
Yours, Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Roscoe Lane
Thu, 2016-02-25 02:51
A heartfelt welcome,
A heartfelt welcome to Neopoet Marquita, i like the way your first poem begins. Though i respectfully say you may need a little help with your presentation, and at Neopoet you will find all the help you need. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Mariquita Garcia
Thu, 2016-02-25 05:13
:)
Thank You. I would gladly appreciate any words from you and the others.
author commentEduardo Cruz
Fri, 2016-02-26 09:47
Mariquita,
I feel like it is a dream being told in the vein of love.
Yet, there seems to be the pain of lost deep with in the lines.
Love gained in the fantasy and lost to the reality of awakening from the fantasy.
The ying and yang of it all has been encompassed in this sweet full of feelings poem.
Welcome to Neopoet,
We are the world apart from the world. A place to let all your feelings and troubles out through verse.
The madness of poetry, is the sanity of the poet.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE