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Banished Places

Submitted by China Blue on Sun, 2011-05-29 11:39

In the darkness of my room
You patiently wait
For the touch of my hand
Upon your hardened body

I miss the curve , that fit so well
And your sinewy neck
Your tones have all
Been silenced
Because of the skills
I now lack

How long has it been
How much longer
Will it be
Awash with emotion lasting
Awaiting another time

Now you must stay
Where I left you
Amid the dust
Of banished places
The anticipation
Is more than we can stand

Now weep no more
Until you weep for me

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

wesley snow

Sun, 2011-05-29 16:06

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With the limitations on comment it's hard to say much about this. I have a few ideas of what the underlying tale might be, but as it is obviously a sensitive subject (and this from your verse as much as your comments) I would be remiss to simply try to "guess". The poem is close to someone's heart even if you had not said that someone is you. Writing such verse from a fictional stand point is an art unto itself. Writing it from the personal is easier...and of course, much harder. A rather haunting read. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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wesley snow

Sun, 2011-05-29 20:17

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Hey Chrys, If I wanted to join the Olympic Pool Workshop, how do I go about it? wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Kailashana2

Sun, 2011-05-29 20:47

My guitar gently weeps. Mmmmm that song! Love how you ended the love affair. I'm so very sorry that
you had to.

Might have a couple of suggestions on this one Chrys, maybe tomorrow.

Eduardo Cruz

Sun, 2011-05-29 23:50

Eduardo Cruz's picture

so well imagined in the writers mind that it translates so well into words.
I was moved.
Would like to say more but respect to your option choice.
Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

Eduardo Cruz

Mon, 2011-05-30 00:16

Eduardo Cruz's picture

I just recently posted a poem and ask for no critique you think anyone read my option choice. Hell No!
it just does make sense to me that people who seem to follow instrutions in write can't read an option choice they just dive right in.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

themoonman

Mon, 2011-05-30 15:14

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I liked your poem, but had no idea what it was
about until reading the comments ... I think if you
made it more clear it would greatly improve this write,
let the reader in, just an opinion.

Richard

Candlewitch

Thu, 2011-06-09 11:59

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I well remember the accident that separated you from your beloved instrument. I can feel the aching... You must keep on trying. Are there exercises to help you?
A beautiful piece! Such longing...

Love, Cat

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