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Jul 14, 2026
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Autumn Times Came
Trees are shedding their leaves,
So are the flowers sacrificing petals.
We were among those who believed
Autumn would never come—
Spring was forever.
So immersed we were in that scent,
In our paradise we had given.
One day, under a maple tree, we sat,
Delighted crescent for us to show in qualm,
Telling stories never spoken before,
Desired words I should have spoken.
Although we knew that blossom would soon end,
Sweet dreams of long wintry nights were coming,
Now that flocks of migrating birds are forming,
And we'll no longer be together to see them migrate.
I promise I'll wait for you beside the chimney,
The whole season until the blossoms come again;
Unless you return, I'll be stuck forever in this lunacy,
Like a lost orphan or a pollen grain.
— Tufail Abbas, Jul 14, 2026
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: It took me a whole year to write. I captured it after witnessing all seasons in my own life.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
3 days 14 hours ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's emotional core — a relationship ending as the seasons turn — comes through clearly, and the closing stanza has real promise. The rhyme scheme introduced there (chimney / lunacy, again / grain) gives the ending a sense of formal arrival that the earlier stanzas lack, and "pollen grain" is a quietly striking final image, connecting back to the spring/flower motif while conveying smallness and displacement.
The main area to work on is clarity and consistency in the imagery. Several lines feel grammatically strained or logically unclear in ways that pull the reader out of the poem's feeling: "Delighted crescent for us to show in qualm" does not resolve into a coherent image, and "In our paradise we had given" leaves the action ambiguous — given to whom, or given up? These are not merely matters of polish; when the syntax obscures the image, the emotional weight the poem is reaching for cannot fully land. A useful revision approach would be to take each line in isolation and ask what it literally pictures or means, then rewrite any line that cannot answer that question plainly. The feeling behind the poem is genuine, and tightening the language so that each image earns its place would allow that feeling to come through with much greater force.
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