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The Appearing of Spring

There is a feeling in my chest
When the trees
Begin to play green peak-a-boo
And the flowers,
Here-is-my-heart

Or perhaps it is just my lungs
That fill
With the spirit of Spring

Like a fragrant
Firework
Exploding softly

Its magic dust
Sprinkling

LIke baptism
Or the perfect zephyr
On my skin

The palpable air is like something
More than sex

And I am partaking
Fully
Of what is fully offered

It is a puzzle solved
The old resurrection cliche

If each season were a person
Then Spring would be
Gandalf
Or God

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
I think I was too late to enter the latest contest, but I wrote this in hopes of entering. I look forward to future contests!
Editing stage: 

Comments

I enjoyed reading this fine poem
A very strong piece, with excellent rhyming. You tell a good story
A very positive and happy philosophy. The flow of your poem is easy and reflects your flying away philosophy
Beautiful tempo and so very evocative

Mario Vitale

spring lasts 2 months... a lot of nature's viagra!

Consciously or not, the poem has a lot of eroticism

Like a fragrant
Firework
Exploding softly

Its magic dust
Sprinkling

LIke baptism
Or the perfect zephyr
On my skin

I like the poem, but not crazy over the finish...suggesting that God is a person is a stretch for me in the playful mood of the poem.

''

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

thanks Eumolpus, for your comments. I see the sexual aspect of the poem more after your sharing. I made some edits, to go more in that direction. (Katy Perry has a song called, "Firework" and is quite a looker.) I like the idea of "more" than sex rather than "better" (thanks for the alternate idea!), because I think sex is included in Spring, but not the entirety of Spring.

author comment

I usually have difficulty following non-punctuated poems, but your line breaks and stanza separations makes you easy to follow. I like your flowing, cadence driven delivery. Also many of your images are fresh and engaging.

I do have some negatives.
"The palpable air is like something
More than sex"
This took me out of the poem, to try and figure out how to decipher this, and I did come up with some general solutions. Don't get me wrong, I do like it when a poet leads me to a point where I have to think, but here I experienced it more as hyperbole.

The last stanza I did not like at all as it seems a tack on and feels fully prose. And even though I feel it is not your intention here, you set Katy Perry and Mary Poppins on equal standing with God, in a comparison I cannot understand.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

thanks tyro. I can't say exactly who I've been influenced by, though Mary Oliver is a huge one. I'm so glad the rhythm translates to the reader. That is a big part of my writing, trying to have a rhythm that carries you along, while making line breaks that enhance the poems meaning. I actually changed the poem back to the original way I wrote it, with Gandalf, instead of Katy Perry and Mary Poppins. I made the edit off of Mark's comments, but in rethinking, felt like it was a cheap, perhaps sexist, way of sexualizing the poem. Gandalf is what I'm going for. And the religious imagery in the poem is meant to culminate in God at the end, though I can understand the critiques. It's a little bit of a leap and perhaps a cheap use of God, after all.

author comment

Bright and fresh, sparkling write, good job!

IRiz

you will enter the June contest which has to do with Military Memories. Can be of or about and even in the first person. Any style, but thirty lines or less. I found this poem to be pretty damn good, other than a couple of little things.

1]. The word is [peek-a-boo]
2]. Instead of [that fill], maybe [filling]?
3]. Replace the second [fully] with [freely]?

Of course, as always, this is your work and these are merely suggestions.
I haven't welcomed you to Neo. yet, sooooo, Welcome to Neopoet! I like your style!

~ Geezer.
.

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