Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Antique Mustard

'Antique Mustard'
Is the colour of
It's going to be
revived in
vapourous vintage
magazines of

I never liked it
only said it was
so you'd be
to behave like a
rampant dog

The pre-paint sex
was splashed
on our walls
mingled with the bile

It's a primative pleasure
to look at the walls
and secretly want to

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 


'supposed to be' seems too vague either the colour is being revived in magazines or it isn't

'devine' divine ?

enjoyed this, but bile is bright green

Ok ok ok...was taking license...but that was to make "supposed to be' sensible. As in, who in their right minds wants snot green/yellow on their walls in the name of being 'hip' and 'contemporary'?

Bile is yellow...without getting any more gross about it (the hard stuff that gets coughed up sometimes)

Definitely 'Devine'...look it up (brand of paint)

author comment

Devine should be capitalized if it's a brand name, its not a brand name in Australia and most probably not in most countries so a note would help.
apologies I looked up bile and got bright green on one site, relooked on wiki and found you are right it can be dark brown when vomited, But is nothing to do with snot or phlegm although it contains 2% mucous. It's only vomited after the stomache is empty of all digested food and is usually combined with stomache acid.

like your poetry, don't get mad at my pedantic fussiness i mean well

ENOUGH information Ross!!!...LOL

So...I was right...technically #justsaying

author comment

This is sick but good lol, I ain't going into where's and why for's it is a yuk subject, well written anyway,
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

"She was sick, but good"...that's a keeper! LOL

I like looking at the ordinary objects and laying a darker sensibility over them. Life is never squeeky clean or dirty filthy....shades of grey, perhaps?


author comment

where you are coming from. I guess that it is all a matter of perspective. There are some people that just don't have any! [Perspective], I mean. They just go along with whatever empty-minded, flaccid creative genes that parade by. Change the word "supposed" to [been] and that should be that! You have given us a look into a truly twisted mind ! Thanks, nice to know that there are still some of us out here. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Good writing. You are different as you said. When you mention bile, I saw stomach acid. Then you mention snot and phlegm so I wonder. They both can be yellow greenish and gross. I too am different mentally speaking but you disgustingly different in a good way as a writer. You are able to etch a picture in away I never imagine
Welcome to Neopoet.

Btw your title is a brilliant one. I don't any could have guess its meaning.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.