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In and Out... Feb. contest

Some doors will open and some doors will close
Be careful, most careful, they may close on your nose
Not that I couldn't stand to lose just a bit
There are days that it's rubbed deep in the shit

The door to my heart, some have unlocked
There are doors to my secrets, you might be shocked
Behind those closed doors, I keep who I am
There stuff is piled up against the jamb

Doors that swing silent, doors that groan loud
Some never opened; I've been too proud
Screened doors that just keep the pests out
Some are so solid, you can't hear a shout

Some doors are jammed, how they do stick!
Then doors that are opened with a small trick
We all need some doors, to get in or out
I guess that is really what doors are about

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Just thought that I should enter a contest about doors, since I had a dream about a locked door that I couldn't manage to open. The dream ended before I could find the key.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I think stanza three is my favourite. I too like your last few words.
The rhythm needs a bit of tidying where it is off to my ear here and there.
Nothing else to suggest.
Wish you the best in the contest.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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made some changes suggested by the others and I'm not sure that they have made it better. Now, it seems off to me! ~ Gee

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author comment

A fun write gee
I really like it
Scansion is out in a few places - for example, I would use the whole word 'against' in 'against the jamb', after dropping the comma after 'piled', for that reason

Also, I would drop the comma after 'couldn't' in verse 3 stanza 1 - and after 'rubbed' in the 4th - they make the reader pause where they shouldn't

And again after 'just' in stanza 3 verse 3

And the last verse is just a tad too short for my ear
I think I would add a word there.... Something like
'I guess that is simply what doors are about'
or 'I guess that is what doors are simply about'

all just imo as you know gee
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

all the changes that were suggested and I especially liked the one about adding a word to the line of:
"I guess that is what doors are about." I used [really], because it seemed to fit the best. I think that that change was the only one that I needed to make, but maybe it will become apparent to all when the rhythm is read again. ~ Gee

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author comment

I couldn't have used the door even half as much as you have here..it was a good experience to see your perceptions door after door...which i guess is all about the contest theme of "door" ...was a pleasure read with some humorous garnishing too ...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Raj. I added the "garnish of humor" as you put it, because it occurred to me at the time. It wasn't a planned thing. Sometimes, I just get flashes of things that seem to fit and use them. Thanks for the kind words, ~ Gee

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author comment

Indeed. Not the funniest thing you've written (too much philosophy for a good comedy), but it made me smile.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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glad to make someone smile. Just remember, that sometimes philosophy sometimes has it's funny side too. Thanks for the read, ~ Gee

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author comment

We all have many doors..some we leave open, some we keep shut...some we only open for certain people and keep the rest to ourselves. Good write.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I'm glad you liked it. I guess that there are as many doors as there are secrets. Kinda reminds me of the old game-show, where you had to pick door # 1, 2 or 3! ~ Gee

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author comment

Well written. This piece described all the doors in this life.

Alid

I don't know that it took care of all the doors, but I think I got some important ones! ~ Gee

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A really nice one about how www compartmentalize the things we do and think.....stan

is one of those things I do really well. I'm glad that you liked this. Waxing philosophically is also easy when you have a snoot full ! LOL Thanks Stan, ~ Gee

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