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After The Storm
silent cotton clouds...coated in mud
drifting..upon the brooding grey sky
words rained down like solid stones
twilight window...bringing me a sigh
fire loses soft glow....as it burns low
shadows on the wall..stay the same
quiet music drives sad ghosts away
dispelling night..as its melody came
but:
memory calls..with unwanted sights
like gifts from people I cannot return
silvery coins..tossed in my dixie cup
one for each wish
a dreamer
yearns
as tired eyes close
ghostly sounds play
from a gypsy violin
only heard on sad
days
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
When the shouting is finished and love is over, lonely nights follow. Have you heard the Gypsy violin play?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2022-12-12 20:51
Good rhyme
Nice job with the rhyme and rhythm. It’s an ethereal riddle. Is it literally a storm or a dream or is it that haze of oncoming sleep. A fledgling dream perhaps. I see what you’re saying about the ellipses, I suppose I’ll get used to it, no foul, lol. Really like the feel of this one
Tim
JEG325
Mon, 2022-12-12 22:49
After The Storm
Thank you, I just dropped in a round of final edits. I wasn't actively editing it until I realized that I had repeated a word three times. While correcting that I made additional changes that helped the poem flow better and become a smoother read.
I am so very pleased that you liked it, RA!
author commentJackweb
Tue, 2022-12-13 10:12
Beautiful!
What a lovely piece of work! Word usage and play is wonderful.
Great job!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
JEG325
Tue, 2022-12-13 17:28
After The Storm
Thank you so much for your kind words. My writing lately has been influenced by the haunting lyrics and music of Stevie Nicks. I'm so pleased that you liked it, Jw!
author commentM4GG0TM3NT4L
Tue, 2022-12-13 14:46
woahh
the imagery is so vivid! when i read this i imagined people slowly waltzing, it's just got that kinda flow. i like the language (if that wasn't obvioius already) and the creative use of elipses
personally i favor the ending of the poem, but the beginning was very well done also.
i imagine this poem in the shape of a harp,,
-m4gg0t was here
you could call me soph if you'd like.
The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.
JEG325
Tue, 2022-12-13 17:29
After The Storm
Thank you so very much! I'm very, very pleased that you liked it, that much! I greatly appreciate your kind words!
author comment