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addition to: Queen of Lies by: Jordyn Alyssa (response by: eddy styx

Queen of Lies
(addition to Jordyn Alyssa's)

There's mystery in her eyes
but I just see the slut
There's wicked in her smile
another bitch who loves to rut

She opens up her mouth
rubies start to fall
I hear her voice now, louder
she repeats her call

She knows that she can get you
to fall into her trap
Erotic tales she tells you
you could use a slap

What she has done to many
Male or female, she don't care
as long as she can get them
make them fall into her snare

We arrive at my apartment
some drugging in her wine
She'll awake in an hour
feeling less than fine

The gag prevents her cries
teardrops streaming from her eyes
she knows that she will die
Her, the Queen of Lies!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
a great amount to Geezer!! he helped in the formatting...Thank You Geezer *a grateful eddy
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

to this later. I need a break, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

it is are 40th anniversary today, am having flashs in front of my eyes. a break btween headch intensty. got go lay down.

cat

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author comment

I was having a bad migraine headache yesterday. one of the worst I ever had. and I was alone and scared. Steve had gone grocery shopping.

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Eddy! This is amazing! I really loved the darkness of it whilst kind of kept the same vibe as my original. I really do love the fact that you added such a beautiful addition to my poem, especially because out of all the stuff I've written (but have yet to post) it's one of my favorites.
I really liked the lines:
Opens her mouth
and rubies fall
tell me can't you
hear her call?

I like to let them see
the sharpening of
the selections of knives.
I pull the wadding
out of her mouth
then rip a sleeve
off her torn blouse.
one by one, I cut off buttons!
now before me she does quake and cry
teardrops streaming from each eye
will she live or shall she die?
so demeaned, this "Queen Of Lies"

I am so glad you like it!!! oops, almost lost my dignity there jumping up and down, lol. this poem just flowed out of me, it is free verse. and I am a tad warped, if I have any poems that you would to expand please let me know. it is fun to do...slipping into someones shoes. thank you for allowing me this gift!

ever, eddy

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

wicked .... needs a rethink
and
doesn't care ....a mind wash
If your migraine has subsided
I think you would be now alert
CATS

thank you!

ever, eddy

;) your Cats

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

to help you out eddy. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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