No Martyr

I am no martyr.

No appointment was made to be mangled in your hatred
I was not willfully strangled by your traditions
I did not plan to be hung by your guilt
I had not accepted an unneeded mercy in the fire
God’s plan did not include a death sentence
I was not shot by mistake.

I was not shot by mistake!

Martyrs don’t choose to be martyrs.
They elect to be heroes.
By awful fate–
Your design,
They are murdered
Unsurrendered
Without joy
Without having made peace.

Recently varnished
This worn yoke of yew
Strapped to bull oxen
Now freshly renewed

The wood has been treated
The leather repaired
Sure as the seasons
The plowman takes care

Calloused hands
Hold firm to the reigns
Sweat on bronze muscles
That fashion the lanes

With mighty pulls
He prompts them to yield
Oxen turn, scribing
Zen gardens on fields

The plowing and planting
The work of his days
Equates to much more
Than the barley and maize

I felt fortunate to arrive here
with the experience of many trips around our sun
I was missing some pieces though

In this place, I have my collection
of the departed, those I miss dearly
All that they were
and all they would ever be,
revisited over and over
in the realm of grief

But grief has a better purpose,
though it takes its' time to reveal itself
Ambling through my emotions, as it will

The box is getting smaller, the walls are closing in

They are getting closer than they have ever been

I will be discovered and then what will I do

It is way to late now for me to start anew

Their eyes are getting open they now can see

All of the cracks that I thought I hid so cleverly

I am getting more dumb or they are getting smart

They are starting to see right through my broken heart

Life is not fair and I know it was never meant to be

Life is just an atrocity of day after day monstrosities

Stonehenge stands in leaden glory
Mayan pyramids too
Sunlight, silver silhouettes
The venerable form of Machu Piccu

Or smaller personal monuments
Lined up in plotted rows
Sullen slabs to mark our rest
Dark beneath December snows

Clouds gather, darken skies
Thunder, lightning, pouring rain
Obscure vision just like smoke
Drapes the soul in mental pain

Cheerless is the winter light
What little light there is
Lonely is the daily fight
For just a cup of happiness

I have suffered through hell and back with you,
you have become my best friend,

you have attached yourself to me,
and I can’t let you go,
sometimes I think you’re not with me when I’m smiling at three.

Thinking the world can’t hurt me, so,
I let my guard down but then again you show me why I shouldn’t,

you show me that behind everything you will always be with me,
I hurt I cry then I’m back in line,
the line that takes me back around to all the successI had
and throws it away,

Worm Food

I fall through the air at rapid speed

Become food on which the worms feed

I thought I would find comfort in the dirt

Only my death would take away the hurt

If you look closely you will see my pain

In the remnants of my still remains

Dashed to the ground like my dreams

Death is not as peaceful as it seems

Twisted minds go on as the world turns

As I become food for the worms

Event horizon looms
We pass beyond return
Stretched and torn apart
Compressed without concern

Consciousness depletes
Voiding thoughts and being
Gravitic singularity
Devours all the seeing

Darker than pitch
Nothing may escape you
Velvet robes of death
Envelope and will take you

To where, I know not
For we are all still here
Waiting for our fateful time
Shedding heavy silver tears

Dressed in darkest garb
We gravitate as one
Genetic singularity
Collated by a life undone

Swan’s reflection on mirrored pond
Pine boughs laden with snow
Linens of infinite thread count
Blanket things you’ll never know

Who sees the mind and heart of brides
May see her walk the aisle
Symbols stand in purity
Loving mother, newborn child

I’m with you when I walk in light
Illumination so divine
Shows me to my inner self
So that I may control my mind

Inclusive light on prism breaks
To spectrum it divides
Now all the colors visible
Hand in hand, stand side by side

Ebon, anthracite with tint of blue
Velvet black and obsidian too
Darkest space with no light
Immersion tank with loss of sight

Absence of stars, in a stormy sky
The black and blue of bruising eye
Deepest ocean with phosphorent fish
All hope lost, no chance for a wish

White is all colors, none diminished back
No light comes through this crazy crack
So suck my life, vampiric redact
No light reflected, is our black