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An Immortal Vice
An Immortal Vice..
In the glass house there was a pen,
coffee loyalty card plus a dice.
Belief, to mend all that he’d broken,
but still he knew they were only a vice.
A roll of the dice never harmed a sole,
while scribing words were so painful.
As the ink dried scribbles took their toll,
he felt a gambler’s unbalanced approval.
The vice was just a crack from the surface,
creating all sort of dither, fear and loss.
Delusions took hold with such finesse,
alluding the misconception, of a final toss.
So a dice rolls with a circus’s tumbling effect,
carrying his worth in a single exciting bet.
Win and he was king, an instant respect,
but that cube of Fates had not halted yet.
His hard pressed wife then vowed out loud
doubting that she’d enter a mind now closed.
Steering off his ruinous course staying proud,
alas, knowing his soft underbelly was exposed.
The coffee would race the blood through,
arteries and paths he’d never yet known.
While his belief in misconceptions grew,
no matter the outcome, he’d be alone.
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Comments
judyanne
Thu, 2012-09-27 07:40
lol
i bet she changed her mind if the dice came up in his favour :)
an interesting write roscoe - but i'm not sure that i have received the full message...
one tiny thing - the words 'the dice' seemed to come up a little too often,for i noticed it and it did distract me from the read a little
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2012-10-01 18:27
The message,
The message is about a struggle i think we all make, the straight and narrow as they say or find an easier way. I think everyone would love to have the excitement of the gambler's life, taking chances, a life with the thought that there could be only one outcome. That you'd win and be successful at the game of life and love, but probably we are tempered with thoughts for others. I hope this helps but if you think we could add something to help, i'd love to hear your ideas. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2012-09-28 04:44
A tricky one, Roscoe.
The first two lines of the first stanza and second and third lines of the second stanza made me think the whole thing might be an allegory for a man taking his chances with writing for a living, though the rest did not seem support that. How would it all be dependant on a roll of the dice? And chance is a small aspect of writing success. Sweat, talent and arse-licking count for more.
If it's about gambling addiction why the pen and why 'immortal'? And why coffee, alcohol is the usual fuel for gamblers.
I may be me having a thick attack but I don't quite get this one.
Enlighten me please.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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weirdelf
Fri, 2012-09-28 04:48
Forgot to mention
excellent use of irregular meter and rhyming that performs its exact function, adds rather than distracts,
beautifully written.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2012-10-01 18:34
Thank you,
Thank you i was trying to maybe capture or convey a little of what a vice, or worse still a physical need could be like . Not just to one person but also a relationship or family. We all take risks but i think the gambler thrives on or needs the thrill of the risk, and as you say probably would not enjoy having to work at writing or any other job. Thank you again Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentIan.T
Fri, 2012-09-28 03:56
Roscoe
A twist in a story, throwing a dice to see if the choice of fate would be right.
Then that voice making it a pointless game of chance as the voice made the decision.
I hope that your gambling is done where you cannot be disturbed next time, lol.
I think I read this right ?? Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2012-10-01 18:38
Never had,
Never had the courage of a gambler, watched some good mates having hard times because of it. But yes the story is pretty much as you read it. Thanks again Ian, Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
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