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L
Lonnie
Jun 10, 2010 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Paranoia

                      Paranoia



                Visions from my inner eyes
                of schizophrenic butterflies
                floating in chaotic skies
                haunt me, so it seems

                Screams assail my private ears
                chilling me with primal fears
                causing me to shed blood-tears
                within my secret dreams

                Repentence for the flesh I crave
                will send me to an early grave
                where no entity can save
                the essence of my soul

                Demons from the deepest Hell
                wish me anything but well
                and the stories that they tell
                would terrorize a Troll

                Here I stand upon the brink
                of blasphemy and yet I think
                that I will have another drink
                of immortality

                thus once more I dip my pen
                in bloody ink and write of when
                I once believed in fellow men
                and dreamed of being free


                C.  Lon  R.  Bruso
               
               

               
— Lonnie, Jun 10, 2010

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: New England, originally, now, Macon, N.C., USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Frost, Bob Dylan

More from this author

Critiques

L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thank you, sunscreen!

Bit of a divergence in theme for me, but it just felt as though it had to be written down! Thanks for reading and commenting!
S

scribbler

15 years 12 months ago

paranoia

another voyage in excellence.............scribbler
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thanks, scribbler!

Glad you enjoyed this little mind-trip of mine, and I once again want to mention how much I enjoyed your "Coat" poem!
P

poewriter58

15 years 12 months ago

Lon

I love the way this poem just moves along. I 'd still like to see another word than Troll in there yes it rhymes but I think a troll is to tame for what you are depicting love ya Chrys
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thanks, Dear!

and I truly wish I could have thought of one, but, alas, my brain just wasn't up to the challenge, I guess!
SH

shirley harrison

15 years 12 months ago

Dear Lonnie

you have taken me inside the mind of this poem! it is a subject that has always facinated me! shirley harrison
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thank you, Shirley!

I greatly appreciate you taking time to read and comment on this piece! As I have always maintained, feedback is a poet's sustenance!
judyanne

judyanne

15 years 12 months ago

awssome

got my vote lonnie love judy xx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thanks, Judy!

Always good to hear from the 'Down Under' folk! Glad you liked this piece!
mand

mand

15 years 12 months ago

So deep!

So deep and heartfelt Love Mand xxxxx
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thank you, Mand1

I'm glad you came by to read, and even more happy that you liked what you read!
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

15 years 12 months ago

"... I dip my pen
 in bloody ink "

Ann of Norway LOVE THIS:- "Visions from my inner eyes
                of schitzophrenic butterflys
                floating in chaotic skies
                haunt me, so it seems" I just loved the first verse and as I read it smiles played on my face, of joy and grace and mystery and you had me transfixed until the end. Love Ann
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thank you, Ann!

Always a pleasure to hear from you and get you opinion on one of my poems! I'm ever so glad that this one pleased you!
Kailashana

Kailashana

15 years 12 months ago

…and I hope you don’t

...and I hope you don't lose hope. Brilliantly woven, poem! Lonnie, you will always live in the effortless freedom living in your pen, flowing. ~A "Even if I knew the world were to end tomorrow, I would plant an olive tree today."-- Francis of Assisi
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thank you, Anna!

A compliment from you is an honor and a feather in my old, poetic Coonskin Cap!
Seren

Seren

15 years 12 months ago

Dearest Lonnie

Brava brava ... I only have one spell check ? schizophrenic cant find fault other than that love and big hugs to you both JayCee ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thanks, Jaycee!

I really appreciate the heads up on the misspelling! You have a good eye!
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

15 years 12 months ago

Dear Lonnie

When I read this poem, I imagined that we had been to some of the same places in our youth. Excellent write, my friend. Always, Cat
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thanks a bunch, Cat!

Who knows, maybe we did! Glad you liked it, as I always hope to please someone who knows poetry like you do!
X

Xanthe

15 years 12 months ago

Fabulous

Fabulous, I really enjoyed this. A really well-articulated insight into desperation. Thankyou for this poem. Lucy (The only other minor spelling bit I'd mention is 'butterflies', rather than 'butterflys'.)
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thank you, Lucy!

and as 'Ricky' might say, 'Thanks for splainin' it to me Lucy!' LOL!! Seriously, I do greatly appreciate your kind words and the heads upon the misspelling!
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thank you, Damo!

Always good to hear from new faces! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem!
R

raj

15 years 12 months ago

Dear Lonnie

i found this write of yours to be very deep and reflective of the state of mind when we look back on the life bygone and imagine what would be beyond...you made pause and think too..such is the impact of your write.. warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)...
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thank you, raj!

I'm glad you liked this poem and am very happy that you took the time to read and leave a comment!
L

Lonnie

15 years 12 months ago

Thank you Indi

It is a fun style to work with and of course, for me, rhyme and meter is pretty much my bread and butter, so to speak! Glad you liked this one!
S

sammysew

15 years 11 months ago

Paranoia

Hey Lonnie, I'm really new to this wonderful site, so am still just finding my way and trying to read so many of the brilliant poems on here. I loved this work of yours it flows of the tongue so wonderfully. I particularly like the 5th verse 'I will have another drink of immortality' perfect! sammy x
L

Lonnie

15 years 11 months ago

Thanks, sammy!

It's always nice to hear from someone new and know that they enjoyed your work! Glad you stopped by to read and comment!
Geezer

Geezer

15 years 11 months ago

Wow Lonnie!...

See what us old folk can do? Glad to see you get some of the recognition you deserve, you just had to hit the right chord with the people who know good poetry when they see it. Congrats, for an awesome job! I loved the way it flowed, and the rhyming was superb! ~ Gee
L

Lonnie

15 years 11 months ago

Thanks, Geezer!

Yeah, I guess we do come through with something worthwhile every now and again! Glad you enjoyed this little piece!
Mark

Mark

15 years 11 months ago

Great poetry Lonnie

A highly structured work indeed ! I found the content a bit dissapointing in the respect of reality. As an example the fourth line. You see when paranoid it does not seem real - it is. It is real in what one sees hears and feels. It all may be false but it is truly effective - real. You really did a great job on the form the scheme for what you were working with ^5 Regards, Mark Resilient Flexibility RUN; when there seems to be no answer common sense will not speak, so run - -go running..
L

Lonnie

15 years 11 months ago

Thank you, Mark!

Perhaps I should have been a bit more forceful in my interpretation of the subject matter! But, as you say, I was working with what I had! Thanks for reading!
B

BrightEyed

15 years 11 months ago

amazing

this poem is brilliant. the concept is awesome. i absolutely love it :) ur friend, bright eyed
yenti

yenti

15 years 11 months ago

Lonnie

What a great piece of writing, I am so glad that these demons are being released, it means that the healing is still on going. Your words and fears are thrown out and then looked at. Dear friend the demons are very heavy and will balance the scales of good and bad in your favor, it is enough that a man can forgive himself then walk with head held high throughout the land and be loved by those he meets, Yours Ian.T
MS

Mari Shine

15 years 11 months ago

Wow! When a writer types up

Wow! When a writer types up that word, it means they find it difficult to write what they think, to find words adequate to express their appreciation for what they've just read - that's me Lonnie - lost for words!!!(MOST unusual, I hasten to add!!!). This is a superbly penned write which flows effortlessly through your poetic pen and is so delightfully expressed. Filled with pictorial gradeur for the reader to enjoy, the pictures you paint are resplendent. I have so enjoyed reading this poem and I wish there was a system on Neopoet which allowed one to Bookmark favourite poems, so I could Bookmark this excellently penned poetic pen gem, to read again and again and again. Lonnie, Thank You for so very kindly sharing this wonderful poem with me. Brilliant work!
R

raj

15 years 11 months ago

Dear Lonnie..

we all need a dose of contemplation don't we?...i could see a very good reflection of that and sense the mood too...making it a good concoction to sip ...all lines are wonderfully scripted...i happened to like these lines even more.. Here I stand upon the brink of blasphemy and yet I think that I will have another drink of immortality always a pleasure to read your write... warmly...raj (sublime_ocean)..
Beauregard

Beauregard

15 years 11 months ago

I don't know how I missed this Lonnie!

thank God for the tracker! "schizophrenic butterflies" ooh I love that! My only crit would be on 5.4. All your other end lines are also 5-6 syllables, but they get those syllables from 4-5 words whereas 5.4 is only two. I think this makes that line sound like it ends too abruptly. I'm trying to think of some possible alternatives that would work for that line. "of your mortality" might work but it might mess up your meter and deviate from that line's meaning a bit too much. Maybe also "of such brutality" or "of man's fatality." None of these ideas really mean the same as that line, but they're similar. Just trying to give you some ideas if you decide to adjust that line :) Kelsey "In criticism I will be bold, and as sternly, absolutely just with friend and foe. From this purpose nothing shall turn me." -Edgar Allan Poe "If technique is of no interest to a writer, I doubt that the writer is an artist." -Marianne Moore