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weirdelf
weirdelf
May 16, 2010 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Bumblebees Can't Fly

As a child
who may I say
in all humility
was something of a prodigy
I learned an interesting fact.

Bumblebees can't fly.

It's just a bit of maths and physics
those tiny wings
simply can’t sustain
those bulbous bodies aloft.

Poor bumblebees fly on in ignorant bliss.

As a child
who may I say
with some remorse
was something of a didact
I took upon myself the task
of informing said bumblebees
of the error of their ways.

Creeping quietly up behind
I whispered facts and figures
and watched them plummet.

My mother,
caring soul,
but not wishing to inhibit
my enquiring
if somewhat callous mind
(considering perhaps
a career as a teacher
or perhaps a preacher)
instead put up tiny signs
about the flowers
which simply said

"Dear bumblebees,
just jump and pray"
 
 
 
 
 
— weirdelf, May 16, 2010

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jess

Wow ... what can I say dear friend like those bubble bees I jumped and prayed lol ... this is one I am going to come back to often ... there is an ethereal beauty to this one ... you've inspired me wonderful poem I have line envy on those end lines sigh I love bee's they are so vital to the survival of our planet and most people are ignorant of the fact no bees, no pollination no life on earth with nothing to eat love and biggest hugs Jayne-Chloe x x x ("Quote:-For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.-Ivan Panin")
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 2 months ago

It’s the colours I tell

It's the colours I tell you! Jess, darling, just keep on being you! Never mind the signs. ;-) ~A "Just as what you dream is your own and no one else can observe it, so the world you see is your own." ~ Nisargadatta
Beauregard

Beauregard

16 years 2 months ago

AWWWW

I'm imagining the little sign now. Jess, the cuteness amazes me :) 3.3: "sustain" --> 'remain'. I think you sustain a ‘noun’ whereas you remain an ‘adjective’. Kelsey
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 2 months ago

it's a tricky inversion,

the tiny little wings can't sustain the bulbous bodies aloft. Perhaps - those tiny wings simply can’t sustain those bulbous bodies aloft. Yeah, that should work, thanks, kelsey. I shit you not when I say I am seriously considering asking you to be my mentor. Age and education are not factors for me, poetic talent, intelligence, piecing insight and courage are. Would you consider it? Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]
Beauregard

Beauregard

16 years 2 months ago

*ahem*

I am imagining the little signs* now! :) Further Critique -- Mechanics (yeah, I know you said not to worry about this, but I just have one little nitpick to make) -7.4: I think "enquiring" is the verb/gerund form of this word whereas "inquiring" is the adjective/noun form. Huh, I've just noticed that Google Chrome even puts the little red squiggly line underneath "enquiring" and suggests "inquiring" instead. OH. Nevermind. I forget the rest of the world knows how to spell and America (and American-made products like Google and MS Word, are stupid like that!) Disregard this whole thing. I'm too lazy to delete. Order/Form (this includes punctuation and how said 'stuff' applies to flow) -Your stanzas are generally one sentence (one long sentence each) and you use proper proper punctuation (lots o' commas) throughout. I think eliminating most of this punctuation, just leaving the full stops (I'M NEVER SAYING 'PERIOD' AGAIN. THAT JUST BRINGS UP BAD MEMORIES OF PUBERTY) (and also leave the parentheses in the case of this poem) and relying on capitalization, lines breaks/stanza breaks to create pause/flow will be sufficient. In other words, I think your comma use is overkill right now because you do a good job of directing the reader with capitalization, line breaks and stanza breaks. Make sense? Intent/Metaphor (be aware that you're the first person that I use this 'category' on, other than myself (have you seen my self-criticizing yet? I've given myself critiques on my poems A Distant Wood, Costumed Disquiet and my Untitled poem (yep, shameless plug) as exercises in being objective and because no one else was offering me any help) -I think this is your exploration of how science and faith can't disprove/dismantle/disparage each other. -I would use the Neopoet Review Requests to help me fill out this section a little but I can't seem to answer the questions that I would use to guide myself (How does this theme appeal to you? How was the beginning/ending of the poem? Is the internal logic consistent?). So you're out of luck, mate. Word Choice -7.8: "preacher" --> slipped in a touch of rhyme here, probably unintentionally, which makes the rhyme sound like an elementary attempt at rhyme, or just using a word for the sake of the rhyme. I know for a fact that you are very capable of complex rhyme and stronger word choice than "teacher" and "preacher". I'm not saying change it, wait, yeah, I kind of am, because the sound of those lines when read aloud just isn't befitting of your caliber of word craft and auditory excellency. (How's that for courage? LOL) Imagery We get a whole poem's worth of image about Jess; the first six stanza all explain young Jess, but we don't learn about your mother until the very last two stanzas. And we don't get any details about her until the very last two-line stanza. Yet, in that tiny space, the reader can really connect with her and you make us feel like we really know her. Because we all know moms just like her we can picture her (or some idealistic version of a mom) perfectly in our heads. This ability of yours to characterize her is very...hmm...for lack of a better term...powerful. -- Side note: I need to learn a new word so I can stop using powerful to describe stuff. Hmm... evocative... inspiring...astute...eloquent...efficient...I know the words; I just can't seem to think of them until I finish the statement where I need them! I know there isn't much as far as things you need to improve on, mostly just things to ponder. Maybe next time you'll give me the chance to offer some suggestions! :) Kelsey
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 2 months ago

Thanks so much Kelsey,

commas removed, I agree, they served no useful function. I added perhaps before preacher to hep with scansion but quite liked the little accidental rhyme because it added to the childish way parents can envision our futures. I never use the review requests- What did you think of my title? How was my language use? What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing? How does this theme appeal to you? How was the beginning/ending of the poem? Is the internal logic consistent? Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me. As I feel that they mostly only apply if one of them is glaringly wrong, so it will be commented on anyway. And especially the last one, I think should be removed altogether. It is usually ticked by people who desperately need help with mechanics and style. I too run out of superlatives and often find myself using a "word of the week", which does little harm as I doubt people scrutinise my reviews of others' works. Elegant is one of my favourites lately. Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 2 months ago

Dear Jess-Elf

I love this line: Poor bumblebees fly on in ignorant bliss. I think it is great to be the exception to the rule. and I completely agree that this should be removed: Please do not critique mechanics. The inconsistencies in style are intentional, or correcting them is not important to me. what is it supposed to mean? Love, Cat
judyanne

judyanne

16 years 2 months ago

i so am still smiling jess

science knows very little really eh? the bumblebee is the personification of 'i don't care what you say, i'm gunna do it' i love the language in this write - by that i mean the way you've expressed it - makes you sound like such a smart little shit. love judy xxx http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TwentyMyPrettyPonies.html
B

barbsdad2003

16 years 2 months ago

Yup, yup ...

so true, bumblebees can't fly. As long as, though, they don't know it, I think they'll do just fine. And by the way, I've seen a sample or two of the Puerto Rican variety near San Juan. As to size, like small birds they are. Eye-poppingly unbelievable until seen; then just eye-poppingly believable. And I'm sure that since the garden-variety sizes can't fly, the PR supersizers for sure can't. But again, as long as they don't know, they're OK. For sure. Regards, Chuck
Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

16 years 2 months ago

Wow jess, this write just

Wow jess, this write just took me to school, I learned a lot here. Fantastic syntax, clever theme- and the arrogance, my god, the niave arrogance :) and then you went ahead and dropped the bees, roflmao hehe peace and cheers, logic
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 2 months ago

Good thing...

thing those bees can't read huh? I hope they don't understand anything other than elvish. I have a hive of bumblebees in the side of my house,they have been there as long as I have lived here, and they keep flying on in ignorance. By the way, even though they are in close proximity to the door and our grill, no one has ever been stung! Nice job Jess, you precocious little thing, you. ~ Gee P.S. Plural math?
lou

lou

16 years 2 months ago

Poor Bees

It is ok as a poem , but it would work better as a short story. lou x
xena465

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

I don't get it Jess?

Bumblebees only stop flying when you pull off their wings, or they're dead. I'm wondering about this word on this line... was something of a {didact} …not sure what this word is Jess? Rosina xena465
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 2 months ago

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/didactic

really Rosina, I can understanding people being reluctant to go to the shelf and pull out a big heavy (and expensive) dictionary but there are several good free dictionaries online. Bookmark one. There was no killing or pulling wings off bees. The joke was against science. The bumblebees didn't know they couldn't fly until someone told them so. Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]
xena465

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

Cheers Jess

Thanks for the explanation. I judged it on an actual bumblebee...we all have our own interpretations...I'm a bit thick. Now I understand it…I appreciate it as a great write. I couldn't find it in the dictionary. Rosina xena465
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 2 months ago

even if a little footsore [smiles]

Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]
Esker

Esker

16 years 2 months ago

when the light is out

in a workshop a bee was buzzing and we turned off the light this was at night and the bee fell on the floor we did this a few times and then put the bee on the outside but I am certian they dont fly at night at dusk once I was laying in the grass by the gardens admiring that shade of sky that colour and one by one the bees flew in a steady stream each one following the other by a minute seperation but all in order and spaced evenly a most amazing thing to see back to their nest I guess
xena465

xena465

16 years 2 months ago

Sorry Jess, but can I repy to this first?

Esker, I think this is a wonderful story. They don't fly at night, they can, but it probably would find somewhere to rest until daylight came, the wee soul, can I call it a wee soul, just a figure of speech, was trapped in the workshop and was buzzing around with unnatural light, confused. When you turned out the light it wasn't in its natural habitat and I imagine that's why it fell, or it was dying, as they don't have a long life span. The end of your story was the best...totally amazing. Rosina xena465
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 2 months ago

interesting stories, esker and rosina,

but honestly nothing to do with what the poem is about Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]
Race_9togo

Race_9togo

16 years 2 months ago

They use sun ray direction

to navigate, and so are a bit lost in darkness. And yes, aerodynamically impossible, they should not fly at all. This poem does, though. Your mother's little signs absolutely make it, instilling belief in observation, replacing the limits of science with a leap of faith. Teacher/preacher: I like the comparison, science with faith, it could have gone either way, and she knew it. I think that the alliteration on the second line mitigates (negates? tired, lol!) the rhyme's simplicity. Excellent. Respectfully Jim "Laws and rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" : Race
yenti

yenti

16 years 1 month ago

Jess

I can only worry that you in your posture of creeping up on a Bumble Bee from behind may cause you such a pain, especially as you are telling them they cannot fly when they know different, a young man I know who was supposed to become a proper boy had problems when telling inexactitudes if that's how it is spelt. Great Piece as usual maybe spoken with sound effects would have made this a classic, Take care over there,Yours Ian.T

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