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H
hippiepoet69
Dec 10, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Too Long on the Run

I want to hold you in my arms and never let you gobut I can't, that's something we both knowit's killing me now, holding you so tightwondering if anything will ever work rightmy heart is beating way too fastwhy couldn't the near future be pastwhere I could be back with youand forget what we had to go throughbut that can't be doneand I've been too long on the runso I had better get going and turn myself inwhere I can stop running and start over againand make the wrongs, rightand once more to hold you tight    standing there in her embrace    kissing the tears from her face    see you later was all I could say    as I turned and walked away                               copyright 1974  hippiepoet69 
— hippiepoet69, Dec 10, 2009

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

Breakinglogic

Breakinglogic

16 years 5 months ago

i think the title is good,

i think the title is good, but it would be cool if it reflected more the strong emotion in your write. A simple story taking place over just a few moments of time, packed with a strong emotion. i really felt for the character, good job!
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hippiepoet69

16 years 4 months ago

Thanks very much

That was not how it went down but the emotioms were real. He never seen her again. I have changed the title before. Never did like that title. any ideas?
Electric Blue

Electric Blue

16 years 4 months ago

Too long on the run

Hippie poet This is awesome my friend full of pain sorry memories and dreams this is the place i know so well. great Electric Blue
H

hippiepoet69

16 years 4 months ago

Thanks Electric Blue

most of my poems are wrote with tears from years of pain. Most of my work has been lost from moving around and people making off with my work. huey
P

pamela

16 years 1 month ago

Running Again

Dear H., I like the title you picked, but "Running Again" could work as well. I want to hold you and never let go but I can't, and we both know just a thought on the opening seemed a bit long to me. P.
H

hippiepoet69

16 years 1 month ago

He's not running again

I turned myself in. That did not break us up. But in the end. Billie and I broke up. I moved to Oregon. I knew BJ was too good for me. I need to go over all my poems and shorten some of the lines. Take Care. huey