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Whispers

Shhhh, can you hear it be still listen now.
Can u heart it the whispers that dance upon the wind.
Listen now how silent voice play dance upon your ears.
Th quiet whispers that speak of yesterday

Shhh can you hear it the whispers on the wind.
Whispers that remain from my past.
Listen now as the whispers blow through
reminding you of all that you one knew

A dreamers hear a lovers song.
awaited these gentle whispers my whole life long.
Shh listen these whispers call to you,
telling you of something new that will be this night.

Take heed do not take flight.
Listen not to these whispers and let them guide you this night.

Shhhh and follow now these gentle whispers
that lead you to a new place.
Mend ur heart take face a new life to begin
Let your voice float like the whisper in the wind
— TruTh sE3ka, Sep 04, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: ZAF

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Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

16 years 9 months ago

Truth Seeka...

welcome to the site... I love your username. Your poem here, for me, there were too many repetitions of "whisper". I think it would have been much more powerful with less. there were a couple of lines that I thought may need some work too... Can u heart it the whispers that dance upon the wind... Can you hear the whispers dance upon the wind... (a suggestion) A dreamers hear a lovers song A dreamer hears a lovers song... (another suggestion) I think this poem has potential, with a little work it really could be excellent. welcome again to the site, please do jump in and let the other poets know you are here. Richard
TruTh sE3ka

TruTh sE3ka

16 years 8 months ago

No offence ment but....

i dont mind being critisised but take offence to being told to make changes my poetry is free flowing and is the way i ment it to be i dont change what i do not feel needs change. appriciate your honesty but i dont alter complete works they are just that complete. usage of words have reason there and its not for the point of impact its for my own personal joy that i write i share purely because i can. thank u once again and as i said no offence was ment by this. kind regards TruTh_sE3ka
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 8 months ago

Hello TruTh_sEka

Richard didn't tell you to make those changes, he merely made suggestions as how to make the poem better. This site is a poetry workshop and that is what we do here. All of us are striving to help, and to become better at our craft. Respectfully, Cat.