LoVe bY the Sea-sidE

And it is usually the structure of the conversation you are trying to have. Right now your poem is struggling to find a voice because you've packed it so tightly together. Since I am presumptuous by nature I am going to recast your poem in a conversational format and dispense with the bold-ed text. Why? I have a tough time reading large sections of bold-ed text. I also believe such artifice detracts from the meaning behind the words but, were it not for my reading difficulty, my natural laziness would prevent me from addressing the issue. Regardless, here is what I mean: ------------------- My love’s fathoms deep. The unseen of the seas, the untouched of the skies. Joy eloquent of the splashing waves An’ the blue silence beyond. Stilness with sweet impatience along, beams; wreathed in snow-white pearls The canvass of my silken dreams An’ pictures of my sunny love. The gentle flowing silver brush that sprinkles gold on the sand an’ the soul. The soul feeds upon these blissful dreams every time you paint them in your eyes… My love grows fathoms deep Like the endless sea of your blue green eyes… ------------------- For me this is easier to read and I can more readily see the feeling and experience the emotion that I believe you are trying to convey. As a poem, I enjoyed the sentiment and the imagery. You've got some nice phrasing and I believe you are effective in communicating the message of this love poem. Now, my suggestions are just that, suggestions. Feel free to review and discard at your leisure. An artist must always make certain their work is true to their vision. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

some excellent advice for you The poem is beautiful but it's beauty is lost because it cannot be seen and perhaps use uniform letters in your title Chrys

What pugilist did however it was far easier to read-your poem is exceptional Meanders-it was good that pugilist took the time-Regards to you both-A great read-

Excellent poem, nice rhythm, I love the meanings and the structure. Very good work, keep it up. Check out my newly posted poem "The deep blue of the Aegean sea" Your friend, Dimitri

Smiles:) Barbara I feel you have a great piece here waiting to touch hearts.

Smiles:) Barbara you are welcome

My friend this is so beautiful and the images i see in your beautful poem it is full of colour,texture. Fathams deep - i was sinking slowly deep down in the ocean weightless in the still silence of the deep. I tread the water gently as down down i go to see this beautiful universe of the ocean, so calm and serene. As an artist, i have that silken canvas holding that silver brush and seeing the gold dust sparkle as if falls all in slow motion. The light catches each grain so stars shine brightly like diamonds in the sky. I see the colours in fluid motion but i am within the tranquil silence of the deep blue ocean. maybe you can look at my poem Twixt Twilight and Dawn

I agree with removing the bold letters and putting it in the form of a poem. I did exactly the same with one of mine, The Magic Hand of FATE. But all in all, your poem is very colorful, full of wonderful meanings. I really enjoy it!!! Your friend Dimitri