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I
Izza
Mar 08, 2008 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Artist

My paint box exploded Conveniently upon A white canvas. I picked up my cloth To clean the mess, But as I turned back I saw A portrait; With an uncanny resemblance to The Mona Lisa. My dictionary exploded Conveniently upon My notepad. I reached for the eraser To delete the nonsense, But as I glanced at the page I saw This poem; Coherent sentences if not A masterpiece. The matter of the universe exploded Conveniently upon A vast area of nothing. When I looked I saw A thousand shades of blue in the ocean, And the tiniest detail of vein On a maple leaf; The results of a marvelous Accident.
— Izza, Mar 08, 2008
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Critiques

EA

eric ashford

18 years 4 months ago

Delightful! I wonder if this

Delightful! I wonder if this poem is really in the first two stanzas alone? Anyway, much enjoyed all the best eric
I

Izza

18 years 4 months ago

Thanks! I see where you’re

Thanks! I see where you're coming from but this was written as an entry for the competition to write a poem arguing for the existence of God - so it's about how every work of art needs an artist and the last stanza is to show that the world is a work of art and therefore needs an artist too. I thought the irony would be apparent enough that I didn't need to have a more clear explanation within the poem (as paintboxes and dictionaries clearly don't really explode into masterpieces). I may have some rethinking to do though...
A

abrelosojos

18 years 4 months ago

Yes i liked it with just the

Yes i liked it with just the first two stanzas also...just my opinion though! Don't forget me --I won't remember anything else.
O

orgami

18 years 4 months ago

Last stanza

myself when writing i too write the extra stanza and often people have described it as creating a new whole direction and if not poem itself i like how the diversity of your descriptiveness goes from grand to medium to macro jump to jump and i like the thought and visual of a vein on a leaf being as important if not the whole reason for the poem but i also agree equally that this would be a great poem with just those two first stanzas why? for me it leaves me with wanting or imagining a third as it was said once of my poem let the reader imagine let the reader think O
F

fthillsboomer

18 years 4 months ago

Congratulations

Great poem and an ironic way to make the point. RT
Mark

Mark

18 years 4 months ago

Awesome

Right up my alley and may I paste it to my wall? Congrats on your place in the contest :) Mark
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Izza

18 years 3 months ago

Thanks! Sure you can paste

Thanks! Sure you can paste it to your wall. Sorry for the late reply, I don't have the greatest internet access at the moment.
Rob Graber

Rob Graber

18 years 4 months ago

Though the position

Though the position expressed has been intellectually indefensible since 1859, your expression of it is interesting and creative; congrats on the award!
I

Izza

18 years 3 months ago

Thanks! It was really meant

Thanks! It was really meant to be more of an emotive argument than an intellectual one anyway, so I'm not really sure what could have possibly happened in 1859 to take away the innate human feeling that there was a creative mind behind the creation of the universe.
Q

Quillsvein1

18 years 4 months ago

i'm not

sure it's "intellectually indefensible"? anywho, great poem! an..accident indeed!
A

Ashfae

18 years ago

I think this is perfect as

I think this is perfect as it is. I love the contradiction of "exploded convienently", and I love the way the poem builds. My thoughts on religion are vague but I'm a big believer in serendipity. Thanks for this. =)

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