Lord...Where's My Father?

I remember the day I found out my suspicins about my step monster were real 3RD grade as roll call went I was the last and still not called the teacher came to the conclusion I did not know my own name as she kept calling Donald Beres Jr she asked is this you no I am Donald but I am not that name or a Jr. either she kept insting it was me I got so upset I got up and left and ran all the way home two blocks away this is when and how I learn I was a mistake not even a real person just some one given a false name by some one who did not want me and did not want others to know I was some body esles child or maybe it was my mother way of trying to make me feel I was his son when every one knew the truth but me AND THIS NEW TEACHER AT SCHOOL where was my dad? I would have to wait till my late twenties to find out but the nagging questions never left me alone the whys and the needs for some kind of validation that I was A son to a Father who might have wanted me or wanted me still so I did turn to my Ture father " God" because, I did lose a short time later my Grandfather, "God" the one who does want me and has done more for me although I have not yet come to know him fully or see eye to eye WITH HIM I do know all his intentions are fatherly and I feel the warmth of his hands as they hold me and embrace me and restrain me Quite often now a days. Through my life he My Natural birth father, whatever, would pop up and secretly watch from a distantce I never did met him before he die but, did met his brother his only life long friend and rival they both ended up sadly this brought back those feelings these types of peoms share your hurt and make others feel thiers and still throw glimpes and tears at others I will most likely not read it again unless I need to be reminded and some times we all do that Life is hard we all don't get to keep the plans we make or wish and we all don't get too be happy all the time For me it is better we did not know each other for I would have left the home I was in to be in one I did not need to be any where near Eg Drugs Alchol Sex and Misery but though these types of situations where present it did not matter I still wanted and needed to belong from the time I was nine there stood in the corner of my basement under neath the stairs in a black hefty garbage bag a packed backpack with everything I thought an nine yr old needed to survie on his own It was not till I was sixteen and had a fight with my mother that she finaly understood the hurt I was going through by being lie too and fooled this way I told her of the pack and the letter a short one signed and dated 1972 goodbye I love you donnie??? your son?? And next to were the slashes one makes for keeping track of atemps or score 1111\ over fifty of them for I would sneak out everytime I was upset or hurt ready to hop the train 1/2 a block away which I did and got as far as three states over the last time but some how always made it back before they noticed I was gone Hmm wonder how they could have missed the only boy in the house? tear jerker for me hopefully a wake up call to some one esle A father, A mother or the likes of those who care secretly for you and I Donnie/Sinbad