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Summer Reverie
Daystar envelops Terra Firma with
searing embrace. Nubiles
clamor for shade, impervious
children gleefully frolic. Their bodies
glistening from watery games.
Blistering inferno melts into sultry
velvet, bringing forth life onto fields
of slow-cooling asphalt. Released
from their freon filled worlds the
dog-dayers emerge.
Frenzied season of sowing and
reaping culminates into the oceanic
pounding of lovers. Ceaselessly beckoned
by Summer’s heated hearkening.
Ever wary of Solstice’s chill breath.
Copyright©2010Kristina Russell
august
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is another old work submitted prior to the crash. Once I've recompiled I will begin to submit new works. To those of you who have read this and the old ones to follow I apologize and for any new readers thanks for reading and any critique you may have. Regards, mistress obi wan (katplath)
Editing stage:
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Comments
katplath
Thu, 2011-02-17 17:34
thank you
thank you Bee for your constructive critique. I have gone through and made some revisions based on your study of this piece. I have opted to keep freon at this moment due to that being what drives the air conditioning so happily used by people during the summer months. Your observation about the use of anthropoid was spot on, and I appreciate your pointing that out. I'm a huge fan of the thesaurus, however sometimes I get so caught up in finding new words for everyday boring ones that I can lose sight of cohesiveness in the work. thanks again. Regards,
mistress obi wan (katplath)
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