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this is prosaic some one convert it into exotic poetry
I could visualize the drive from Montreal to
Terrebonne
what a LADY autumn one does see driving in exoticity the flowering robes outstretched beyond of what eyes can pry
the distant calls beckons come by and the sprawling rainbows
as if they were for real upon leaves of many a hue
all colours fresh and new like a veil upon a newly wedded female
cast away the bridegrooms loneliness.. as she kneels down to show the hues she wanted to
how beautifully they grow in the naturalness of admiration …as we drive through the wilderness… lady Autumn beckons us and smiles too
Sir come and enjoy nature will you … a smile across my face did spread… as I was about to leave the roadside
but for the ladies charms I am still alive ….ere would've been dead no surprise..
rise lady autumn did say then I did with magnanimity and teary eyes.
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Comments
judyanne
Thu, 2012-10-18 21:37
loved
i see nothing wrong with the way you already have this, give or take a few lines
but since you asked, you know i cannot resist :)
what a lady one sees
flowering robes exotically outstretched
beyond where eyes can pry
the distant calls beckon
come by
with sprawling rainbows
as if they were for real upon leaves of many a hue
all colours fresh and new
as a veil upon a newly wedded female
casts away the bridegroom's loneliness..
she kneels to show her hues
how beautifully they grow in the naturalness of admiration
as we drive through the wilderness
Lady Autumn beckons us and smiles too
Sir come and enjoy nature will you
rise, Lady Autumn said
and I did with magnanimity and teary eyes
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
loved
Fri, 2012-10-19 00:48
excellently redrafted
shall see whether the cake
as it will
goes to you
thanks Judy
loved
author commentIan.T
Fri, 2012-10-19 04:06
Loved
I hope that you haven't any more of these tasks???
Judy has had a go and I will have a go but you must sort out and write it yourself:-
Just have a read and see if this is yours lol.:-
My world as I did see
A casual trip for me
Montreal of buildings tall
To Terrebonne’s shore
Oh lady of Autumn
You coloured it so
Flowing robes of shades
Of memories dream
Felt in the soul
With my eyes seen
Yet horizons hidden
By winters sheen
Arms outstretched
With Rainbows hue
Formed on leaves,
That float to you.
Colours so fresh
Like a bridal blush
As the veils are moved
Dispelling all doubt.
Wilderness holds us
As shades unfold
A symphony of colour
Some still to be told
Sit with me
Rest this sweet while
There on my upturned face
As autumn smile’s
This gave to me
Of feelings so true
Tears rolled
I shall stay with you
My Life
Damn lazy bones, this is the Bones of your write now between what Judy wrote and this one there should be a masterpiece.
Take care young bard, and it is against what I have said about rewriting others works, but as you have asked...
Take care, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-10-19 10:38
Dear Loved,
I was mesmerized by what Judy and Ian wrote using your material! Now can you show us your own rewrite? Take our breath away...
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
loved
Fri, 2012-10-19 12:30
But Cat, I would still love to see your version of my concoction
then we will all know
how easy it's to correct a flow
The rivers of thoughts just upturn
some fire beneath
Some fire above
many fire behind the back
but this was no challenge
only a desire
that the poets would use most of my words only
and realign the paras… commas.. and full stops..add exclamation marks may be
so Cat you still have a chance to see
given by Loved and hope twill be another composition
from heavens sought
and
music by Lady Love Autumn brought.
loved
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