Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

An uncertain voice .... alone

An uncertain voice…alone

Uncertainty came by today
stumbling on words it tried to say
we find must a better way
remember we fast are turning grey

Our passing times us by
we got to up step and try
make hear them our children cry
before we all down lay and die

And remembered be for what
another invention from eternal our swot
that mean doesn’t a whole lot if it
don’t world the save and all we got

Other live creatures as nature intended
no treatment special is needed or blended
rules not are altered and bended
or paragraphs policy of amended

So to end say I be true
best the do that you can do
point way a that suits your crew
perhaps see we’ll a world anew

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

This one reads a little like a rap performed by Yoda of Degoba. No bad comment against your skill just a little back to front so a little difficult to retain the general flow of the piece. Are you into hip hop? ThanX for sharing

Just thought it would get the message across better if it held the reader a little longer. Thank you for commenting. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

I like this I do lol :) Like Dalton can't help but think of Yoda :) and agree although I like the idea it does make for a disjointed read. much love Beki xxx

'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)

As said i above it maybe just held you minutes longer so perhaps helps the message. Thank you for commenting .Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Have to agree with Dalton, it is like a rap. I enjoyed it a lot, nothing I can think of that I would change.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Thank you perhaps i've found my genre, i could be rapping all over town LoL.. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.