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Swan
Swan
To lift on high
my carriage of head,
white coat of down
sometimes shed.
Can you know me
this time, this dawn,
know that I’m,
a well swam Swan.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I see i write i await...
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Fri, 2011-02-25 10:43
One crit...
Swum instead of swam. ~ Geezer
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Roscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-02-25 18:35
Where i,
Where i come from in Scotland we never swum anywhere, we always swam it was much more fun. Thanks for your comments and time. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-02-25 18:33
To some,
To some they still are on the menu, but slightly above our standing, or so they like to believe. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentKailashana2
Fri, 2011-02-25 11:46
hahaha B
hahaha B
a well-swum swan? surely you can think of a better end, Roscoe!
~A
Roscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-02-25 18:31
Thank you,
Thank you, it was meant as a fun poem. Now you 've got me seriously thinking about changing it. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Fri, 2011-02-25 18:39
Aw Shirley,
Aw Shirley you as well, I will definitly wok on this again. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2011-02-25 21:07
hi Roscoe
I liked this for the fun of reading. If you feel lead to change it too much, consider leaving it as is and writing another on same subject..................scribbler
Roscoe Lane
Sat, 2011-02-26 04:19
Thank you,
Thank you, i am really undecided but will think hard on it. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Sat, 2011-02-26 04:17
Sounds good,
Sounds good, thank you for your input. I will give it a day or so to rattle through my head, but so far that sounds best. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentRoscoe Lane
Sat, 2011-02-26 17:44
Thank you,
Thank you, i am thinking hard about this one, and have a few ideas. Love Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author comment