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Empty Daze

I know right now when some times are down ah not so bad
I sit and wait oh for what I had
Speaks the same but I’m not always glad
I miss my place and all that it had
Empty Daze been gone by for what it was an who am I
when the stretch is far until the vineyard fruits are wine
There’s a new beginning an all that is mine
There’s a place for me when the East’s on fire
I knew left now all I’d of got I will have made some how
I stood to look as it has already hits the ground
Yells to me I’m to blame turns my only look to frowns
I wished this old seen would burn down
Empty Daze been gone by for what it was an who am I
when the stretch is far until the vineyard fruits are wine
There’s a new beginning an all that is mine
There’s a place for me when the East’s on fire
I did not know what to think at the time about all this ah
I can not let go my mind to be disturbed
Subconscious screams at my brain to be alert
Oh into a deep stare my eyes upon what’s occurred
Empty Daze been gone by for what it was an who am I
when the stretch is far until the vineyard fruits are wine
There’s a new beginning an all that is mine
There’s a place for me when the East’s on fire

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hi Lynn, I just saw your prose poem. I like it a lot, my only nit is that it needs prunning drastically, hope you don't mind my saying so. You have many needless words.
The content and title are both fine. I see that you have repeated previous lines in the last strophe, as in a Villanelle. But Villanelles have strophes of three lines, with spaces and the last strophe has four verses. I think this could be a Villanelle with a little work thrown in.
Please take or toss what I've said. Just suggestions. Nice to meet you, are you new here? I look up your profile.
Take care, all the best, Gracy

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