Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Good, greenlight.
Good green light so I floor it. I have to get past the
few blocks of dark, abandoned buildings and
deserted streets that lead me to the highway
home.
After all I insisted to all " I would be okay. "
But from my beloved second home back in
the
day, the South Bronx back to my home, New Rochelle I traveled.
From suburban to urban I went as a
teenager under the protection of family,
friends and neighbors n both ends.
Back then I felt at ease in both worlds, not
completely being apart of one.
I did enjoy the differences of each one. The
abundance of concrete versus green grass was
one. As !omg as I remembered where I was
to hold my purse guarded, or not.
But the open window air tells me I am close
to home.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
tyro
Thu, 2018-04-19 16:34
I think your line breaks are
I think your line breaks are superb. The musicality of you cadence leads to an easy flowing rhythm throughout. It is both nostalgic and subtly laid out. I am a fan.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
chevyvent
Thu, 2018-04-19 17:18
Really Great Piece
After all I insisted to all " I would be okay. "
But from my beloved second home back in
the
day,
very interesting write you have here keep it going now you got this very good
Mario Vitale
themoonman
Fri, 2018-04-20 13:15
Hi Deet,
I like the subject line, special memories,
we all have them !!
I believe the poem could benefit from more
attention to the music or flow of the spoken
word, which could be accomplished with
punctuation and editing.
Example;
Good green light so I floor it.
Good, green-light, so I floor it.
After all I insisted to all
I'd remove one of those "all"'s, it would
improve the sound immensely.
Look for other ways when editing to
cut down words but keeping and clarifying
your theme.
Welcome to Neopoet !!!