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You Know Best
Don't tell me you're fucking sorry!
Don't you think I've heard those words before?
I know you can't feel what I feel.
So why would you think you could speak at all?
Don't you fucking touch me!!
Don't you think I've been touched before?
I know you can't feel what I feel.
So why would you reach out at all?
No!!!
I'm not fucking crying!!!
Don't you think that I've cried it all out before?
I know you can't feel what I feel.
So why would you speak, or reach, or touch at all?
Thank you
For making it worse
For thinking you could somehow help.
Tell me to get over it and move on.
After all -- it's over.
Really!!???
If you've never felt this way,
What the fuck makes you think it's over!!!??
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Mon, 2015-11-02 23:05
Hello Scott
There is too much rage here. I don't think I like this for a couple of reasons. One of them is the use of longer lines, though it might be a good technique for such a burst, you know better though. Just my opinion of course. Let's see what others had to say though.
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eightmenout
Tue, 2015-11-03 09:51
Dearest Rula
Sorry you feel there is too much rage. Let me know if I should pull the poem.
Scott
author commentRula
Tue, 2015-11-03 12:44
pull it?
Do you mean like unpublish it?
If so, please don't. I know some guys will give you better thoughts than i did. Just wait for some more comments.
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Sparrow
Tue, 2015-11-03 19:10
Bud
Maybe over the top with the use of Anglo Saxon words but I hear they are acceptable now so I shall accept and be norm.
I think as this goes the other person should run for the hills lol.
I think it could be in a better form but keep the theme these things happen all the time so it should be written about,
Yours Ian.T
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
eightmenout
Mon, 2015-11-09 15:44
Thank you, sir
I will revisit the structure
Scott
author commentwesley snow
Tue, 2015-11-03 21:50
Never pull a poem.
Once seen, it should be seen by all. There is a lot of rage here, but that's what poetry is all about:
Rage, love, peace, violence, hate... are you catching a trend here? Poetry is about all things and all things are acceptable.
NEVER pull a poem.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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eightmenout
Mon, 2015-11-09 15:47
Wes
I know I've made even you cringe before. That's not my intent. I'm just trying to get it out. I don't want to post things that are uncomfortable for other people to read just because I'm messed up.
But, per your advice, I will not pull.
Appreciate you stopping by
Scott
author commentwesley snow
Mon, 2015-11-09 16:26
Remember...
part of poetry is making people uncomfortable. It is our responsibility as poets to stir the pot, disturb the status quo and bother people's sensibilities. If every thing we write were easily digested we would not progress.
Never apologize for powerful poetry.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about