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You

I wanted to pen an eternal song
its kernel word a stream of honey
and make its abode the heaven
where happiness is bestowed.
The angels' wings hurry
to carry the thought,
flawless and free
and only
echoes
"you"

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Nice nonet! Love the sentiment and imagery.

Thanks for giving and sharing.

Love Mand xxxxx

I am happy that you've realized the form and like it.
Thanks for your nice visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

it;s redeeming feature is the structure, reducing lines length to add each potency.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

though not sure what did you mean with 'cloy',( I assume it isn't so good), yet I am well satisfied you found the structure a satisfying one.
Thanks for the visit. Much appreciated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

As Mand says Yes Yes Nonet, another one of your self tests and you passed this one.
From that year or so ago you have grown in strength and become a great member of Neopoet,
Well done young lady, and the workshop where you excel a journey taken with a lovely poetic patience..
Yours as always, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

You have learned, progressed and surpassed yourself so far that I no longer take into account that english is your second language. This is superb structure.

Though personally I still find it cloying.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

your kind words mean a lot. I am honored, really!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

yes! that's what I like about you. You've got a variety of poetry forms here. so please,please, please, can you start a workshop?

Eagerly waiting
Alid

so nice to read such a poetry

It is nice that Alid's comment brought this poem back in stream. I would like to know in simplified terms what a Nonet form is. I can see that it gets tapered to a single word. Does it also have something to do about a syllable count? Alid is right, you can very well organize a workshop. As Stan says "Holler" and I will join ..lol....

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

My A-Z on poetry forms or a simple search will give you the structure of the Nonet, I will bring to the top my list of poetic forms A-N it will be in there at the end under "N" LOL.
Take care out there ,
Yours, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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