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You’re my ride or die
In an endless garden of flowers, I will always pick you.
And if you were a star, I would gaze by the window till dawn.
Because I have found the one whom my soul loves.
You are beautiful my love, the is no flaw in you.
And you are making my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes.
I just love you with every beat of my heart to be honest.
You are just like a moon, busy grieving on patches you have, unaware of the fact that your light illuminates my world.
I have found the one whom my soul loves.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-04-23 20:13
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "You're my ride or die" employs a variety of romantic and celestial metaphors to express deep affection and admiration. However, the poem could benefit from a more rigorous exploration of these metaphors and their implications.
The opening lines introduce the metaphor of a garden of flowers and a star, but these images are not developed or returned to later in the poem. Developing these metaphors could provide a stronger thematic unity and depth to the poem.
The phrase "I have found the one whom my soul loves" is repeated, suggesting it is a significant statement for the speaker. However, the poem does not delve into what this phrase means or why it is so important. Exploring this sentiment could add more emotional depth to the poem.
The final metaphor, comparing the loved one to the moon, is intriguing. However, the phrase "busy grieving on patches you have" is unclear. If this refers to the moon's craters, the verb "grieving" may not be the most effective choice. Clarifying this metaphor could enhance the poem's overall impact.
The poem also contains some cliches, such as "you are beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you" and "I just love you with every beat of my heart". While these phrases may convey genuine feelings, they lack originality. Replacing them with more unique expressions could make the poem more engaging and memorable.
Lastly, the poem lacks a consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme. While free verse can be a powerful tool, in this case, a more structured approach might help to emphasize the poem's emotional intensity.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Fri, 2024-04-26 18:27
You're My Ride or Die
Hello, Yoyama,
Welcome to Neopoet!
This is a delightful poem! I can feel the gratitude and sincerity! "...your light illuminates my world..." Beautiful.
Thank you!
Lavender