Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Without money
You are dead without money
Familiar as the saying goes
Visitations bring strange sad tales
With the loss of clout to purchase
Self confidence starts to erode
Stagnant shadow grows tall from base
Time ticks, the world moves on with it
You are dead without money
You know it is not really true
With breathe and health, the mind assigns
Instinct of self preservation
Exchange battered into money
Resources are sold on demand
The lazy man dies of hunger
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Favorite Poets
Inspired by an article in an old manuscript, It reads:, AXIOMS OF PERFECTION, In the physical order – In the realization of the dream of beauty, In the moral order – In the realization of the dream of love, In the intellectual order – In the realization of dream of poetry, In the spiritual order – In the realization of the dream of the mystics
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-12-15 03:30
terrible last line
unless I missed the irony.
I do understand how important the meaning of your poetry is to you but consider your reader. Make them want to read it, with tragedy or humour. This is one of your lesser pieces. It is more a diatribe.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
t. reflexion
Sun, 2012-12-16 21:16
tragedy or humour.
I missed the shot, an attempt to encourage a friend out of joblessness landed below the belt. Our people say, 'you do not have to look for poverty, it will find you'.
I will attempt to polish it or throw it into the waste basket. Yhank you for the frankness and best wishes.
tr
A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light
author commentloved
Sat, 2012-12-15 05:09
With breathe.....
wouldn't it be better as with
breath..
loved
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-12-15 05:20
oh breathe helps, it certainly helps us stay alive,
so do food and shelter.
What were you trying to say loved?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
t. reflexion
Sun, 2012-12-16 21:18
Thanks
For the time and comments. Best wishes.
tr
A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light
author comment