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within the shock of sudden loss

Submitted by judyanne on Sat, 2015-06-13 10:36

frozen slivers pierce your mind
a void appears, suspended time

reality can truly bend and twist

silence drops, a great abyss
as somewhere, far away, there slams a door
for he who was and breathed, now is no more

potential pathways forever sealed
and what remains are fragments left by dreams

in this, the place of hard knock revelation
where sudden loss will tattoo lasting scars
know grief's a journey, not a destination
and mountains, sometime, roll on into stars.
.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Sat, 2015-06-13 13:54

the feelings and sentiments of profound loss expressed very vividly....i hope i did read this piece well enough...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Mon, 2015-06-15 00:31

alidzain's picture

display of emotion. Here's my try.

If I can have a choice
I wish to hear your voice ,
and see you smile again
the simple joy, a refrain

Alid

Sparrow

Mon, 2015-06-15 02:49

Sparrow's picture
Volunteer badge

Grief, a time to feel loss, and to gather all the things that we do, to try and equate our being when someone has gone before.
It is a healing process, though it never feels that way, as it happens from anger to sorrow and all bunched in an emotional train wreck.
Lovely write and I hope that the tears though still there are healing tears and not those of anguish..
Take care and know we are here always,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

judyanne

Fri, 2015-06-19 00:20

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

A friend lost her son last week in a car accident....
inspired this, but I'm not that happy with it ... I'm hoping for some suggestions...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

raj

Sat, 2015-06-20 06:38

sorry to know about the loss of the son of your friend...may his soul remain in eternal peace..no wonder your sensitive humane nature was inspired to write...will look out for the improvisations you would be making..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

lovedly

Fri, 2015-06-19 23:03

lovedly's picture

any loss is painful...
though I only lost my old car

but grieve only for a while
as the departed had no choice
why linger about it any more
as the ones who come
will go away for sure
neither you nor I shall remain forever
tis known since ever

so grieve for a while and shed all tears
then move on as usual without fears

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