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Winter blues

The sun hides its watery shame
In sullen skies of moody hues
Shrouding us in fear and blame
Storm clouds spreading winter blues

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Just finished our winter here, its been a challenging one! Crawling out of the black hole now and looking forward to better mental and physical health.
Editing stage: 

Comments

We still have our winter to look forward to! Not for at least a couple of months I hope, but too soon for me anyways! Yes, that is the way that winter usually affects me. I like the poem's brevity, but the sense of relief from a bad winter still shone through. Truly, the only line that bugs me is; "Like blankets weaving fear and shame. You weave blankets, they don't weave. Minor problem; I'm sure that you can think of something! ~ Gee

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Good point thankyou!!

author comment

I checked the revision, as to the changes, they have made a great difference.
I would like to see you expand this theme to your thoughts and fears of weather changes.
As you are in Australia, there are so many changes and they would give a great picture to he reader.
This would have made a good Senyru then expanded to a Tanka by adding the two lines , so that would be a syllable count of 5-7-5 then 7-7.
Have a go its fun, Take care as always, Yours Ian..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thanks Ian. I will give it a go.

author comment

Don't know if I like the shrouding us in fear and blame, but it's much better than it was! ~ Gee

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as to eyes
come tears

your start was good
I have no fears

syllables my friends count
to me it matters little

well done what ever you have
written
they have understood
as much
you'd be happy to know
I have now too
your lovely views withstood

to know me
you have to read my poetry
waffle mostly

Joan,

The ABAB rhyming scheme, sort of classic. A fiery weather display. It does frighten me.
It truly is a moody poem!

I have faced severe monsoon storms in the Bay of Bengal and up on the northern mountains of India-Burma boder. Very scary. Survival is a kind of a miracle. Twice I have driven in the severe blizzards in the United States, with my family. My children were just kids then. I have lived in the drought zone where temperature runs 110 F for three months. Well, yes, nature can be very cruel and frightening.

How is the weather in your locality? Myall Lake looks very beautiful on Google Earth!

xxxxx

Thanks for all your comments! The poem was triggered by lack of sun and a moody hubby who suffers depression. The weather here is not particularly extreme and winters are short thank goodness! We have a fairly high rainfall, hot humid summers.

author comment

This reminds me of a friend who used to suffer badly from SAD until his wife heard about a special lamp that provides a closer approximation to true daylight. Exposure for around an hour a day in those dark months keeps him feeling alright.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Thanks keith. I will look into it!

author comment
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