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WIND DANCER (season of spring contest)

Wind Dancer

A bright poplar leaf
dancing on a cool light wind
to join its fellows

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

You know how much I edit stuff so my saying I'll keep your input in mind when I edit this is not just a bromide

author comment

The word its should be "it's" nitpicking, really.
Not of anyone's "real" concern, because it was like evolution that modified the eastern version of haiku. Your piece is what some refer to as modified, or westernized haiku. I also understand that to many others, it's just fun and does it matter, really? No,

Have fun out there!

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

It's always good to see somebody new drop by. Its-it's....its a real problem when its should be it's lol. Appreciate the eagle eye. Now as to being a modified Haiku .......its my understanding that to write a true Haiku one must write it in Japanese. Well I don't know Japanese and the English version is a 5-7-5 syllable count. So i just stick to this modification when I try to catch single thoughts in a Haiku

author comment

to understand that the poplar leaf is still attached to the tree? I'm thinking that it seems more like a fall haiku. Anyway, it does go well. ~ Geez.
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tasted a flavour of fall at first read, but I think the word "bright" covers a spring look as the new leaves are brighter.
In the string "on a light breeze", I picture a leaf separated from the tree and fluttering away "on" the breeze. Perhaps "on" should be replaced with "in".

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

Here in the deep south poplars are almost the first to have some leaves turn yellow in late august. Not all, just a few. They are the harbingers of summer being near its end. I had hoped to catch the feeling of one of these early changers as it comptemplated its own mortality.......................hmmmm.....it may well be that this is too much to try and fit into this form

author comment

It might be different in the northern tier of states but down here the first trees to change color are wild cherries. But the poplars have a few leaves turn yellow in late August. This is a poem about one of these early turning leaves. I had hoped to catch the wistfulness of summer being nearly gone. If I didn't the fault is mine

author comment

light gray bark . Leaves bigger than a hand which turn bright yellow?

author comment

of "cheap" furniture was made using poplar because some of it had a greenish streak through it. The furniture companies solved this by using an opaque almost black stain on it.I once saw a 50 year old barn which had 1/2 inch vertical poplar siding which had never even been painted. There was minor rot on the cotter inch or two but the rest was solid.

author comment

While I have never written a haiku, i have read a few that appealed to me. The form doesn’t intrest me, however I like yours.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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This is an excellent form when trying to convey random thoughts. But I don't write a lot of them either lol

author comment
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