Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

will you remember

Will you remember
when I am gone

in the clouds
submerged
in the ocean
burned
in a forest blaze,

cremated in a desert
by the solar heat,
buried in the sand
near an oasis,
a mirage of sorts

when the palm trees bear no dates
and
apple trees sway
in the sun
with dangling ones

will you remember
the soft music you played
as wanton love
once you displayed
then all fell on silent ears
soundless and deaf

will you remember me
once blind
hiding behind a blind..
forget me
but I will not mind
nor will I ever know
but so far
you have all been
loved ones I know

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

One of your better writes, I cannot critique it as it is fine to me but the format may have a few things that the learned ones will point out.
Great write,
Yours Ian.T

NEED MORE TO READ THIS ONE

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

who are more learned
than you and I
they only love to cry
creating poetry they can never try
let those oldies deservedly themselves fry

author comment

this is a different construct..
its far more sublime and therefore to
me has its obscurity and power in
the word choice..the line set up
which means I greatly like it
it challenges my head to
grasp and let go of things
in the sweep of my eyes
letting it settle

I was suprised at this one
pleasantly so...
as I said it has the power
and delicacy that is
rare

thank you!

My dear Esker

I am no patch to you
But ur loveliest comments
choked me
as tears of joy trickled down this boy
and though they say

men don't cry
those are blatant lies
a man does cry
but can't say why
You wet my eyes....
I bow to you!

new
Reading this new morn..past twelve..

this is a different construct..
its far more sublime and therefore to
me has its obscurity and power in
the word choice..the line set up
which means I greatly like it
it challenges my head to
grasp and let go of things
in the sweep of my eyes
letting it settle

I was surprised at this one
pleasantly so...
as I said it has the power
and delicacy that is
rare

thank you!

author comment

one must have the empathy and compassion
to feel the rain to burst forth
even the hardiest cactus shows its beauty

Your writings are vivid in emotional rain
and intense terse sunlit verbs

Thank You again!

instant regards sir
I have no vocab to identify myself
in words spoken by stalwarts
as thyself
but some day may emerge
from my countenance
the glow that should!

author comment

Your words are recognised by many, your style of writing is a loved thing.
Sometimes we step outside of our natural ways but it sometimes brings praise from other directions.
Loved there are many words floating out there for you to trap in sequences of poetry, by just tapping the keys, now we know you can see them as we do,
yours, Ian.

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

you have carried weight
of many dead soldiers
do carry me when tis time
on your shoulders....
as my head does lay
I will smile
yes just ask Sadie
any day will it happen?
one day
some day
you know me since ages

in the farthest memories of time
my poetry has been rendered sublime
by folks of
ONLY
thy kind
as you leave Thames far behind
Loved
will never go out of your mind!!
or will?

author comment

How many times have I to tell you that there will be a cup of tea waiting for you at the entrance to my cave.
The cave though beautiful, is a symbol of a home that closes around us when we need that closeness of being one.
The tea is another symbol of joining with friends when we meet.
There with Sadie, we shall party and it will be a party that will light up our universe.
Always remember that there is nothing we cannot have, but better that in a place where you can be free there is nothing you can possibly need.
I am going to help Sadie from there and I have been given a seat by the woods where I can watch the children play.
When we meet I shall show you all we have there, and the halls where there is a library and art gallery the likes you only dream of.
I must stop or they will take me away lol.
Loved you enjoy this life and be good to all you meet and write that good stuff that can last for always,
Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

My apology Ian to you and Sadie

I did not read this ere
as I have no way to be aware
that you invited me to your cave
as my last grave
to enjoy a song
a melody
a poetry
with you along with Sadie
and
also enjoy last cups of white tea

Chinese say
it does keep cancer at bay
not that I have known yet
but a cup of tea
will be a welcome
I bet

author comment

It is about time more took the trouble to comment on all works, this is not a self orientated site it is a place to learn.
Loved has written several types of poetry and I feel that this needs more readers..
A cross, Ian.T

NEED's MORE TO READ THIS ONE

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

even though the wings have been sheared
upon your shoulders may Loved ly in grace
those who need read me
of them there is little trace
glad am i
that you more than often the path trace
which how i wish others could also
some day
one day
embrace

author comment

Bravo!

ur Bravo......... makes me feel
Like I have planted the world's
FLAG ON
MOUNT EVEREST
BEING THE FIRST

take care
hope your on well -ward journey
loved

author comment

I do well to manage one secondary meaning per poem and here you are inserting many....and with little apparent effort lol. I saw a few lines I'd have written differently but they would not have been better........stan

the 5 best have commented
I couldn't without your's and Jess's views (awaited still)
could rest
Thanks for the passing by
at times ur comments
do me shy!
ur our master Stan
the only man!

author comment

I won't degrade this piece with an amateur's suggeston, old friend. Think not that I forget you. This trouble with the computer and the family duties have been a little too much to bear. I missed the old times when logging in and logging out of neopoet is not a chore.

Think of me,
when my voice no longer speaks
remember me
when my heart no longer beats

You know I wish
I could keep you company
in a song of bliss
but pardon me for I'm too weak

When mechanics
help my heart beats
I will be sick
unless it really fits

so be my voice
when I am away
for I've no choice
but to be away.

Think of me
Think of me kindly
remember me
remember me dearly,
LOVE

Alid

B E A U T I F U L

author comment

You will always be remembered
for your unique style of writing
beautifully said!
and Khalid, yours too.
Thank you for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

your genuineness
and my uniqueness
both are equally unique
what a bliss
really is this

author comment

It is a pleasure to share.

Alid

it plays
when you press the wanted bottoms
or did i mean
buttons

author comment

sublime
you have yet to read this

author comment

I still find myself returning to read this, old friend. I loved the emotion in this piece.

Alid

for coming back again and again

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.