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Why Did I Love You?

Submitted by Blue_Halcyon on Sat, 2018-08-25 09:42

I have no courage left, your actions
have ground my heart into a fine dust...

You left me empty –
until the moments come
where you provoke the sphinx…
giving rise to an earthquake
that rends my psyche

...all of creation quivers around me...

and I realize that hole
where my heart once lived
is now a pit of fire - full of hatred and anger.

That smug smirk you wear
mocks my immobilizing fury,
invoking a bloom of violence
in my fractured mind –
you smile at my pain,
and the emotional torment you inflict…

Now, all the tokens of love you’ve given
are covered with a gray, sooty ash.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
AUGUST CONTEST

Comments

raj

Sat, 2018-08-25 15:00

although this poem is a vivid description of a heartbreak ..in my opinion it still qualifies by conforming to the title "why did I love you" ...i hope that whosoever is the judge would read it as a remorse where the protagonist is conveying the pain of having loved someone and in that light questioning herself that in spite of this why did she love him...

as is necessary as per contest requirements please suffix the title with [August contest]...

best wishes for the contest..
.....................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

lovedly

Sat, 2018-08-25 15:58

lovedly's picture

for the contest

Catsworld

Sat, 2018-08-25 23:33

In line 2
I would suggest to leave out (a), ground into fine dust sounds stronger and also improves flow and rhythm, I think.
if you like to hear more, please tell. I’m new here ans just started finding my and your ways here.

Catsworld

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