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Why Did I Love You?

Submitted by gregwa8 on Sun, 2018-08-19 23:46

like two fish
taken from different parts
of the sea
and put in the same
pet shop aquarium
I liked your stripes
and your smile
you my spots
and my moves
so we swam
everywhere together
under the arch
by the seaweed trees
beneath a golden “sun”
until you were bought
for $10.50
the price of our
betrayal

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
AUGUST CONTEST

Comments

raj

Mon, 2018-08-20 05:50

i loved the way you've approached this contest theme...

best of luck for the contest...
..........................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

lovedly

Tue, 2018-08-21 13:33

lovedly's picture

all the best
in Toronto there is a new aquarium
where they have a shoal of fish
swimming backwards
was she purchased there
lol

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