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The White Chair
The Dollar is up and the TSX is down,
in this busy day northern town,
I walk my ravine route, quiet as a mute,
brook background on,
listening, a bird song.
Across the path it sat,
with white vinyl straps,
I sat upon it's lap.
A white outdoor chair,
under the pines, without a care.
Where it came from nobody knew?
it just appeared right, right out of the blue.
It sat under tall, towering pines,
passing people, passing times.
We sat there together,
in all kinds of weather.
On lazy days on Magpie Hill,
watching my dog going for the kill.
On sunny days with blowing winds,
to be at work would be a sin.
We listened to a birdsong minuet,
beautiful songs, never heard yet.
I wondered about it's history,
one of travel, one of mystery.
I wondered where it had been,
in and out of the creek, again and again.
I wondered about it's owner.
Maybe a travelling loner,
maybe a writer,
on a drunken all-nighter.
or a recovering alcoholic,
out on a frolic.
We reflected on our days,
young and foolish, some a haze.
We over times passed by,
cherished memories, gone with a sigh.
I roared over it's strap malfunction,
out of place, at the junction.
Funny a chair, my welcome friend,
I must admit, it felt good on my rear end.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Yes there really was a white chair I found on one of my many daily dog walks in Millcreek Ravine, Edmonton, Alberta. I watched it travel around the ravine for a good month before it dissapeared and was not "sat in" again. It is the focus of my first self-published chapbooks. I do have a painting of it on Instagram under my #trekkerdekker.
Editing stage:
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Comments
samary
Mon, 2020-01-27 18:05
Comment
A piece of tongue in cheek humour about a chair.
I rather wished you had personified it more buts thats just me seeing alternative pathways on your walk.
I liked it as a piece it made me smile in places, I enjoyed reading it but it wouldnt become a treasured friend.
The title ... I think you wasted that draw me in set your story and then reveal the identity of the chair .. make me wait a little to be surprised.
Free verse written in stanzas of variable lengths.
Lines are running in syllabic patterns which adds to the strong beat within the poem.
Your rhythm is good the pacing works.
For me the poem starts on line 3 line one and two feel like unnecessary window dressing because you never allude to the town again they have great rhythm and maybe would have made a refrain but the one mention doesnt seem to add anything to the poem.
For me there is a little stumble in line 5 not good English
listening a bird song
You have turned line 11 into a question isnt it just a statement
I think the ending was a bit of a damp squib ok it made me stop and double take but it could have been stronger.
To me it feels a little over rhymed for a piece of Free Verse its more a rhyming poem.
I enjoyed the story of this and the gentle humour but I would also have loved to have get to know the area around the chair better this was very much tell the reader when I would love to have been painted more of a picture.
I did enjoy the piece but I can see other possibilities trying to escape from your poem
Just some thoughts .
Sam